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A Nine Year Fertility Journey: She Kept Busy Being Born

This Fertile Heart Mama  was part of our European fertility support circle for four years. During that time, I don’t think she missed more than 2 circles. She also traveled to our Woodstock Studio from Europe to attend not one but two workshops. This is a comment she wrote in response to my How Infertility Can Help Save the World Blog.

I share her note here as a beautiful illustration of what the Fertile Heart OVUM practice is all about; it’s not about the number of years we spend “meeting our child halfway.” It’s also not about how we eventually birth our family or whether we ultimately choose to be parents to a child, or learn the toughest of all parenting skills, the art and skill of parenting ourselves.Fertile Heart Baby looking at Busy Being Born Poem

 

After nine years of trying to conceive

I gave birth to our beautiful son.  We used high tech intervention to get pregnant but I know in my being that your work (Fertile Heart OVUM Practice) meant that after so long, my body and soul were receptive to a full term, healthy pregnancy. At 47 I defied the odds and had a beautiful pregnancy, with no complications.

Part of my journey to motherhood has made me ask some of the tough questions about our legacy and what we do whilst we are here.  As the world feels like it is shifting to toward less and less tolerance, voices of reason and acceptance are ever more important.

I choose to be more mindful than ever

about the impact on the world in which we raise our son. In making conscious decisions I hope that we will raise a man who has his own passions and pursues them with the same determination that brought us to him. I am proud that I chose the path of preparing myself for motherhood. Now that I am here, I feel the depth of my preparation like a comforting blanket. Wrapping me in layers of acceptance and enjoyment, built over time as I soul-searched my way to a little boy who is the light of my life.

As in everyday life, parenthood is full of opportunities

to decide what you stand for and to make decisions that change lives in small ways that I think make a difference. I am not normally a big consumer but suddenly there are things that you need to buy, whether it is a cot and mattress that you decide to buy made from natural wood from a small family firm created with formaldehyde free glue or an organic wool which had not been treated with fire retardant chemicals. Buying toys that are manufactured in excellent working conditions with sustainable, non toxic materials. You are forced to join the debate on vaccinations and then later schooling. In order to raise a well rounded, thoughtful man, we are forced to become better versions of our current selves, birthing the next Esther who has the strength, wisdom and compassion for the next stage.

A friend said some time ago that I had changed on this journey.

She presented it as a negative comment but I am so delighted by the gift of change. It is a chance to really live, to be truly fertile. It brings to mind Ghandi’s saying “You must be the change you want to see in the world”.

On our fridge we have several of your beautiful poems including the one called Busy Being Born. It reads:

 

You smile at my folly that once I thought
it was I who needed to give birth to you,
when all along it was you
who held me tenderly in the palm of your hand
descending earthward delivering me to life.

I read this at our son’s recent baby naming ceremony. There is a picture of your daughter with the poem and every morning our little boy smiles at the picture of your daughter and I feel my connection with you and our fertile hearted community. We truly can change the world as we join in strength and love.

Thank you for posting the link to the Leonard Cohen song.

I love the lyrics. I was reflecting the other day when walking what I am enjoying most about motherhood. There are many wonderful experiences. The overwhelming feeling is an intensity of love that at times, almost feels like insanity. A physical love and connection like nothing that I have ever experienced. An aching that makes me a more connected, alive person. I know that a love like this can only make the world a lighter place. I also know that the pursuit of such love also makes the world a better, lighter and more accepting place which is so desperately needed in these strange times that we are living in.

Take good care all. Much love and light!

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