On December 1st of last year, I dedicated a post titled “The Courage to Receive” to Mandy, and to each of you who have asked for support on your baby making pilgrimages. I began that post copying Mandy’s message from the community forum on our message board. And today I take nice slow grounding breaths, as I copy Mandy’s latest note:
Dear Fertile Heart Family,
I just took a moment to re-read this blog post, Julia’s public challenge to me and you all, to commit whole heartedly to this work. I am here, 3.5 months into this challenge, to share the news that I am 6 weeks pregnant. It feels utterly surreal to both write and speak those words, and I do hope my news is nothing more than a source of hope and strength for you all.
I am so grateful to Julia for challenging me and believing in me, so grateful to you all for your support and fertile heart sisterhood, and grateful to myself for not giving in to those orphans that were telling me “this work is not going to work!”
I owe so much to this community of women, and to Julia Indichova, and I look forward to being a continued member of this wonderful group of women, all on their own individual journeys.
I feel overjoyed, brilliantly happy, and relieved… while also terrified and worried. The tools continue to help me sort out who is responsible for all of these feelings and how to cope with them.
I hope this post will encourage you all to keep doing what you are doing- knowing that each step you take IS bringing you closer to your child, even though sometimes it feels like one step forward and 3 steps back.
Wishing you all the very very best in your fertile journeys and hope to be a part of this community to hear all of your happy conception stories.
As always, we have a number of new pregnancies in our Fertile Heart community and as I shared with Mandy, and some of my other clients, this first trimester-time is not an easy time for me as a teacher. Fragile humanoid that I am, having witnessed your journeys as closely as I have, this is a period of much learning for me. And I do hope a huge opportunity for growth for all of us.
It’s a time for flexing our “receiving” muscles once again, and continuing the baby making trek holding fast to the hand of the Ultimate Mom. It’s a time for letting go, and understanding a little deeper what our human pilgrimage is all about.
I sure would love this to be the right pregnancy for you Mandy and for every Fertile Heart sister out there. I’m rooting for all of you. But as I sit here wishing you well, I also have to keep reminding myself, that this work is not about getting what we want when we want it. I have to walk my talk and remind myself that life is a pilgrimage. Stopping at a holy site, gathering strength, breathing in the beauty of the holiness around us and hitting the road again, strengthened by all that we have received there.
So I say this to you, dearest Mandy and to each of you pregnant, not-yet-pregnant, or birthing your families in myriad of miraculous ways. All of you who are linked with the umbilical cord of longing to your not-yet-born child.
It indeed takes immense courage to receive the human experience with a fertile heart. To receive each event large or small and let it land in us as a seed lands in rich fertile soil. And then to do what it takes to water and nourish that seed until it blooms into deeper and deeper gratitude for the gift of Life. Until it grows into a clearer understanding of why we are here, and what we must do to earn the privilege of bringing another human being into this bewilderingly troubled home of ours.
It’s not easy! No one said it would be when we beamed down here. Still, it’s thrilling. Learning to be human is the most thrilling class we could enroll in. And it’s ten thousand times more thrilling when we find ourselves in a classroom full of courageous beautiful amazingly fertile classmates.
Mandy, Lisa, Princess R., Julia: I and all of us are here to continue supporting you. So that you don’t need to “cope” with all that rises up in you, but can receive whatever feelings come as provisions for the next part of the pilgrimage. And I sure hope you hang around, share your pregnancies with us on the new Visionary Mamas Message Board Forum or in any other way that feels right.
And as I read that original invitation, it looks like you and I, Mandy, have to write a blog post together. Funny, just before I read your note yesterday Mandy, I was thinking of a new Mother’s Day Challenge for our community. And I wondered who would be up for helping me with it.
And…one more miracle: Some time ago, we applied for not for profit status for the Turn It Around Project. I thought it would take months to receive it and it came today. With an official stamp and all. The Turn It Around Project, Inc.is now a not for profit organization.
Here’s to birthing families, visionary mamas and peace!