To me the subject financing our IVF treatments or the subject of money and baby making, is ultimately less about how much money we spend, and more about how our allocation of funds reveals our beliefs about the power of the dollar.
If it costs $20, 000 it must be more effective than a $450 workshop or a $225 Teleconference Series or a $20 imagery CD set.
No matter how passionately some of us might vote for a different reality, the truth is that at this stage of our evolution, the human psyche carries a deep imprint of what I call the Money Orphan. Money equals value. The more you pay, the more valuable the service must be
A failed IVF is a challenge to the part of us that equates a cost of treatment with its potential to heal us; it’s a challenge to the escalating commodification of babies and every other aspect of our lives.
I’ve observed it for years with readers who tell me how much the Fertile Heart™ tools make sense to them, and yet they will spend thousands of dollars on repeated failed medical treatments, or years of acupuncture, before committing a fraction of that cost to coming to a workshop or ongoing classes, or even buying a book or CD. This is not a conscious preference. It’s not something most of us have control over unless we begin to compassionately observe it in ourselves.
A failed IVF is also an invitation to claim our role as the ultimate agents of change. The booming baby business is a mirror of how we feel about our own ability to be the repairers of our lives. A fertility challenge can knock us off our feet; it gets us to question our worth as women and creative, capable human beings; it calls for us to get clear about who we are.
For me and for thousands of other courageous moms whose journey I’ve had the privilege to witness in close to two decades, the pilgrimage toward motherhood was not only about conceiving inconceivable babies but about reclaiming our fertility in the deepest sense of the word. Seeing ourselves as powerful instruments of healing within our own bodies and lives and in our badly-in-need-of fixing earth-home.
This blog post was inspired by Amy Klein’s New York Times piece How Much Would You Pay to Have a Baby, a piece about Klein’s first failed IVF and her focus on financing her forthcoming in vitro-fertilization rounds.