No more ticking of our biological clock? Or are we being primed for the next high-end infertility cure?
It’s always nice to see my book Inconceivable mentioned in a major publication. So I was glad to receive a Google Alert about my name appearing in the lead of a Daily Beast piece titled The End of Women’s Biological Clock.
But boy did this psychology professor/journalist miss the point!
How ironic that my book and my story, which is all about the power of the mind/heart to affect change– the story which has empowered thousands of women in the last two decades to become pro-active about their fertility and health–is used to promote another “breakthrough” fix of reductive science.
The fertility lessons of the last 20 years.
Though Jeanne Twenge is right about one thing: the last 20 years have certainly shown us the limitations of reductive science which sees the body as nothing more than a collection of organs without any regard for the complexities of the human organism.
Yet here she is exalting another “technological breakthrough” that will stop our biological clocks from ticking, if only we let the experts tinker with our ovaries long enough to get it right.
It’s not true until you live it
She says, I was just lucky. If we beat the odds, we are “lucky,” if we don’t, well…too bad for us. Powerless victims that we are,with little else to hope for but the OvaScience salvation that may come some day real soon.
Then again…what is it we learned in the last 20 years?
Yes, yes there are published studies on epigenetics and volumes of research to validate the common sense idea that everything that goes on within our holy human bodies matters. Immensely. The sages have known and asserted this truth for thousands of years.
Still, none of it will make any difference if you can’t stop and breathe and experience this truth for yourself. None of it will matter if you keep betraying yourself by mouthing nonsense you heard from one expert or another but never lived yourself.
What we have seen in the last 20 years with women with not only failed IVF cycles but repeated failed egg donation cycles, is that we ignore the complexities of our mysterious human selves at our peril and at great personal and collective cost.
Sailing through cell division through fertilehearted alchemy
I’d love you to do is read that story and be empowered to speak up for the work we’re all doing here.
Get mad for goodness sake. Don’t wait to speak up when you’re pregnant. (It would be lovely to see just a few more of our pregnant and new moms out there come and say hello, comment here from time to time.)
Why does it matter that you engage and speak up?
Infertility and Epigenetics? A fancy word for common sense: words, ideas, feelings, thoughts carry weight.
They in fact carry more weight than the tempeh you choose instead of the prime rib. Words and ideas fill the space between you and your partner and the space between you and your unborn child with consciousness that pulls you into the black hole of miscarriages and hopeless infertility. The kind of infertility that will sever your connection with the source of your strength.
So get mad and then transmute that anger into an energizer like no other. Turn it into superfood more fertilizing than wheatgrass and green smoothie combined. Turn it into an energizer that raises the energy level in your ovaries and support your dominant follicle to sail through cell division during your next ovulation.
Otherwise you can wait for OvaPrime and save up somewhere upward of $35.000 to invest in this next ART game-changer.
If you can’t get mad thinking of your own well being, get mad thinking about your children. They will bear the brunt of our misplaced worship of machines.
Let’s love what machines can do for us but let’s not let technology turn us into mindless, statistic-spouting robots.
Dearest Fertile Mamas
I read this blog and it really resonated with me. My husband and I are in the process of going through an egg donation cycle. I am terrified that it will not work. I am so aware that this is not just biology and that the eggs of a 21 year old are not enough to guarantee success.
We have just returned from a very emotional trip to Prague with some elderly friends who lost large parts of their families in the Holocaust. My parents also came. I organised the trip and was so relieved that everyone found it worthwhile and also got back safe and sound with no problems. I am emotionally exhausted. The work that went into tracing their relatives etc. was very hard to do.
Now that I am back, I am able to reflect on the trip and from it, I have two opposing feelings – it showed me the power of family and made me feel that having a family of our own is all the more important. However, it also reminded me just how lucky I am. My husband is such a sweetheart and helped to care for our friends with such a reliable and loving attitude. I feel less terrified about the outcome of our egg donation cycle. Whilst a baby of our own is what I want more than anything, I can see that my husband and I will be able to build a happy and fulfilling life if it does not work out. Focusing on “what is” and not on “what is not” is an important lesson for me. I have always been somewhat who strives and pushes and in this journey at least, I am learning to bow to what is.
Take care and be well. Love, Esther x
Dear Brave Catepillar, Openhearted, HeartWideOpen, rfoto, and RightHereRightNow,
Brave Catepillar – Yay for being a good mother to yourself!
Openhearted – Yay for consistency
HeartWideOpen -I’m sorry for the result not as you had hoped. Wonderful for responding to the fears
rfoto – Best of luck finding your path.
RightHereRightNow – Good luck with adoption!
Blessings to all!
Thank you all for sharing, it was wonderful reading about your experiences, you gave me a lot to think off. During the last few weeks I’ve had some orphans showing up around medicine and infertility specialists. It could be a long story but what I want to share is that I went to Mexico to visit my parents. Over there, I saw an infertility specialist (trained in nyc) who is friends with a cousin of mine. I wanted to talk with a doctor in my language, someone whom I trusted and that would take time to look at my lab results and help me find my cure. What happened was not different from what I had experienced so far. He basically said, “what do you want to do, find out what is wrong with you taking all the possible tests you can take or do you want to get pregnant? It’s been a year since we saw each other and you haven’t done much. What are you waiting for. You might find what was wrong but then it could be too late.” First of all, it was my orphan who thought that I needed someone else to help me, someone else to solve my problem. Also, talking with him helped me face the part of me trying to find out what is wrong with me, because that has been my big O since I started trying.
So I got out of there thinking he is right, the only thing I want to do is get pregnant, my AMH is not that great I need to keep trying getting pregnant using treatment right away. Then, a friend who had been trying to get pregnant for a while decided to come from Mexico to do an IVF treatment. She got pregnant on her first try. I honestly felt jealous, my orphan again showing up saying you haven’t done enough, if you would only try treatment you would be pregnant, why you keep delaying this, everything you have done is wrong. One day a friend asked how she was doing, I was expecting to hear, she cannot believe it she is so excited, and so on… what I heard instead was, she hates that she has to stop doing what she loves the most, smoking, drinking alcohol, and eating raw fish. First, I was judgmental about why she didn’t stop doing the first two in the first place! What I realized now is that even if it is taking me longer to get pregnant, this is the first time I don’t regret anything that I am doing. Everybody has their own way of meeting their child. I like my journey now, I like that it is different. I really liked what you said Julia in our last call about our relationship with our children starting right at this moment, even before conception. This is not a punishment for me anymore, I am not giving up anything, I am just trying this new relationship with myself and with my child, where he is giving me the time to meet these orphans and take care of them, to practice being a good mother to myself so I can be a good mother to him/her.
Quick update then be back later, I completed imagery for Wednesday to today only missed Thursday. I am doing my best to focus on the good/joy now! Worring about the future does not help me one bit!
Gravid Sans Doute- thank you so much for your good wishes. How beautiful to be able to notice those blessings you had.
I found out today that I’m not pregnant following the embryo transfer. Up until a few days ago I really had a feeling that something was happening but then this went.
It has been such an intense couple of weeks, with orphans running the show at times! Fears about being pregnant itself- not feeling like a natural process to me but instead something to be feared- full of uncertainty, risk- ‘what if’ scenarios. Risks magnified by my age, partner’s age, ICSI etc
Trusting- in myself and the universe- feels so difficult sometimes. And having faith, believing in myself enough. It has highlighted to me my cautiousness, and taking the plunge to do this fertility treatment has been a constant push/pull feeling. Part of me has felt I’m betraying orphans who are not yet ready for the challenge. Yet making decisions based around them betrays what’s in my heart- to have a child.
However, I am proud of myself in how I responded to these fears. When I felt unable to cope I sought help from friends and found things to help soothe me. In the past I would have felt a pressure to cope on my own, perhaps feel ashamed of my feelings.
I did the ‘mosaic’ imagery yesterday and this helped me identify some of the orphans.
I hope this makes some sense to people!
Lots of love to everyone
xx
@heartwideopen: I’m so sorry to hear your news. Your post about your orphans makes total sense to me.. I have different orphans but they have been running the show in my world for the last two weeks as well. I”m completely with you in regards to the fertility treatments. I have an appointment tomorrow and I have been making myself sick just thinking about sitting in the doctors office. I dont know which avenue to turn to and I just can’t seem to get a grasp on being positive, faith or my ultimate mom. I’m completely disconnected. I’m sending you and all the other Moms to be much love and prayers for all of us.
Thanks rfoto. I hope your appt went ok? I’ve found FH work useful in helping me find my voice. It helped me with contact I had with the clinic. I was considering having treatment, but in a way that felt right for me. At times when I didn’t know how I was feeling I used exercises like Welcome Home body truth, and Doorway to the Expert Within and Lifting the Burden imagery exercises. All the best x
Hi Everyone!
Thank you for all of your posts. I enjoy reading them and connecting with all the beautiful Visionary Moms in the community.
Something that I have been feeling lately is an increased sense of calm surrounding my fertility. With FH, I’ve been able to become more open to the various paths to becoming a parent, including adopting a child. My husband and I have completed our adoption home study and will likely be considered “adopt ready” and suitable for matching by the end of 2014. Previously, I’ve been very closed off to adoption. I think the reason for this is because if we adopt, then I’ll be admitting that I’m broken or damaged. Of course this isn’t true; it’s an orphan calling out for love and attention. But it’s been a real struggle for me over the years.
Dear Openhearted, Julia, RightHereRightNow, HeartWideOpen, Fiida, MiraculousLife, and butterflyfaith21,
(This is Robin)\
OPenhearted – Yay for enjoying the moment.
Julia – Thank you so much for caring enough about people to respond here.
RightHereRightNow – yay for trusting your body! Yay for your marriage strengthening.
HeartWideOpen – Best of luck on your embryo transfer!
Frida – Yes how to turn this anger into energy is a good question!
MiraculousLife – I’m glad your thinking has changed from more O to more V.
buuterflyfaith21 – That dream sounds really filled with guidance. Yay for doing imagery.
I have been doing a part of Riding the Field of Creation Fertile Heart body truth and an imagery from the teleconference about the self who knows for certain a pregnancy is possible.
I have been doing the imagery twice a day and I am grateful for that. I’m trying to help myself out of orphanland related to my daughter’s recent behavior. I felt God was smiling on me a couple of times this morning – first by seeing a deer in my yard that hopped to the next yard when I came out, but we looked at each other fro a few moments. The second was a woman who called on a survey I wasn’t looking forward to who helped me be more at peace with my daughter’s behavior because she was going through something similar with her daughter.
Blessings to all.
Imagery complete. I am working with Gates of love and fulfillment this week . I have the reminder of how the food I want such as sweets are connected with my anxious feelings. I tend to crave sweets when I feel out of control. The o connects with past comfort found from these food.
Fertile Heart Moms,
I’m completely struggling this week. I have been doing my visionary work, meditating, yoga.. but i’m finding it hard to calm the orphans. I haven’t felt this much anxiety in two months. I have an appt with an IVF doctor on Monday and I’m completely torn about what route to take (Do I even go at all or keep trying naturally). I feel paralyzed. Every doctor I have been to is telling me to do something different. Who do you listen to??? Does anyone else feel this way? Any suggestions, inspiring news, support or help in any way would be so appreciated.
Dear rfoto
I can absolutely connect with your feelings. I would like to share my experience. Last Dec, I suddenly decided enough of trying naturally and wanted to go donor route. I did extensive research on doctors, clinic, success stories and their referrals, contacting them etc. All the while I was telling myself, I am absolutely fine and my body is allowing me doing this search meaning I am ready. But guess what after a week of all this research, my body broke down and I started bleeding profusely. It was through rectum, not period. I never bled so much (even though I have a history of hemmorhhoids) and had to even go to ER. But only after I told myself that I will calm down, will put the search aside, and no more donor or doctor search, you won’t believe, the bleeding stopped instantly.
Bottom line – Our bodies keenly listen to us. They respond to our feelings and we need to honor them, give them time. I decided that day that unless I have approval from my body, I will not be talking to another RE again. It might sound crazy but I was literally talking to my body and taking her majesty’s approval before I embarked again on this route and started my consultations.
So I would say be glad you are able to feel the anxiety. Calm down, don’t try to do all at one – imagery, meditation, yoga etc. See what makes you feel grounded. At times it just makes you feel overwhelming. Also couple of things always helped me, similar to how Julia framed questions, I used to frame questions for myself
1. What does this consultation mean to you?
2. What do I want out of this consultation?
etc I used to jot down all my answers and sometimes it used to lead me to new orphans that i was not aware of.
I still try to do this exercise once in a while. Just takes me a while to get started on it. I guess my orphans push me back as they might come into light with my answers :)
Good luck to you!
Hi rfoto. It sounds like you’re doing some wonderful things for yourself with all the visionary exercises, meditation, and yoga! Although your orphans haven’t completely calmed down, I’m sure that what you’re doing is helping a lot and having a positive impact. I also believe that it can sometimes take time to notice the effects of the work we are doing on ourselves.
I feel the same way, that it can be very confusing at times to know which path to take. I’m sure that whatever path or pathes you choose, you will make the right choice, whenever the time comes, even if it’s not Monday.
Take care and be well! xo
Just a gentle clarification rfoto, yoga and meditation can be wonderful practices, but they are not part of the core Fertile Heart OVUM tools. You might find it helpful to read or Re-read The Authority Vested in You chapter of The Fertile Female and perhaps the Image by Image chapter (there are 2 imagery exercises in that chapter that are specifically about choices).
All the best to you!
I feel this way more often than not. As Julia once said to me, I am the leader in the orphanage, opening the door wide and then locking myself in (or something like that). I live in Orphanland so much it feels like reality to me. I have some HUGE panic/fear/anger orphans who love to scream at me; it ramps my anxiety up tremendously. I find that if I (try to) focus on what I know is real–what I know is a fact–I get back on solid ground. For example, if I feel some cramping at an odd time of my cycle, my panic orphans freak out and start screaming at me, claiming it’s cancer or menopause. And if they scream loud enough and long enough, I believe it. It wears me down so much. So I’m trying to then counter all of that by focusing on what I know is true. (I just went to the doctor, ultrasound is great, having lovely 28-day cycles, etc.). Then I try to get active. I try to do something, either a chore I’ve been putting off, my writing, yoga, getting out of the house, etc. It’s a constant struggle. My body also reacts when I’m trying to be too proactive, but what I’m really doing is just overwhelming myself. If I try to do 100 “fertility” things or start finding a new RE or look into donor eggs, something will break in my body. It seems like everyone has an opinion on what to do/not to do. My husband said to me: Just stop. Stop trying to monkey with everything. Just focus on YOU and making peace within yourself, however that happens. So for me right now, I’m trying to focus on being healthy and writing. It’s a struggle. I get on FB, read articles, hear about pregnancies, get wrapped up in the intricate details of my cycle. It’s insane! And right now I’m getting completely overwhelmed with food. It seems every single thing I eat is “bad,” so I’m having trouble eating anything at all without guilt. So now it’s time to dial back. I’m trying to just focus on what is fact, how I can have more peace in this minute, what makes common sense to me and write a bit more. Let’s see how that goes. Know you are in good company with your feelings. ;-)
Imagery complete for Saturday Sunday and today!
Awesome!
Hi Beautiful Moms,
Right now I’m healing with Tree of Faith and Surrender imagery and the Welcome Home, Unconditional Gratitude, and Soul on Fire (I alternate or sometimes do 2 or 3 of these body truths.)
This has been an unusual cycle for me. On day 3, I had a high FSH lab result – no big deal I told myself and did some imagery. The rest of my cycle has been a bit strange (for lack of a better word) – quite dry (CM) and then unexpected spotting. I don’t even know what ‘day’ I’m on. Day 43, day 10? I have no idea what all of this means, and quite frankly, I don’t think anyone does. But ultimately, I don’t think it matters. I’m just going to go with flow. I think this is a lesson in trusting my body, that it knows what it’s doing, even if I (and so-called experts) don’t.
I think these technologies have their place, although costs are outrageous as is the way they are portrayed. And yes Julia you’ve been totally misrepresented here. In spite of this hopefully there will be people who will look into your work.
For myself I am grateful to have had access to ART. I went through an egg freezing procedure when I was 39 for several reasons- my mother went through an early menopause, I was single, and I was quite unwell with ME at the time.
I came across Fertile Heart nearly 2 years ago, whilst in a new relationship. Without knowing what it was I needed, discovered that in fact this was it!! At that point myself and my boyfriend were on a preconception programme with Foresight in UK for optimising vitamin & mineral levels, and detoxing heavy metals.
FH work empowered me to follow my own path. The clinic’s advice was that trying to conceive naturally was futile at my age, and that I should move quickly and use my frozen eggs. I’m so glad we tried for a year to conceive, and in this time had chance to express feelings to each other sometimes doing FH imagery together. I feel it brought us closer together.
Now at 46 we decided to return to the clinic and use my frozen eggs, and I have just been through an embryo transfer. I’ll find out in a week if I’m pregnant.
Wishing everyone well and feel so lucky to be part of this community xx
HeartWideOpen,
Your story is so beautiful :) Thank you for sharing it. I’m going to light a candle for you and say a prayer.
I’ve been gone through 3 IVF and I don’t remember how many IUIs. “No luck”, as the author of that article may say. I’m 45 and I hear the biological clock that is ticking in my ear.
My orphans are often having a party and they block me from accepting the fact that the real expert is in me and not the doctors that offered me every time another treatment until I lost hope and money. I am mad of this situation and want to turn this into an energizer but still working on learning how to do it.
I am looking forward for the Monday call.
Imagery complete!
Way to go!
Me too :)
Hi Everyone,
Well, I can’t say that this article made me angry. It was just another typical, infertility industrial complex article spewing the same old jargin and pseudo-hope for people that are looking to grasp at something or someone outside of themselves to help fix what’s broken. There are hundreds of these articles all of the internet and in magazines. I feel like I’ve read this article dozens of times before. Am I happy about the article? No, I’m not (except for the mentioning of Julia and her book, which might lead some people to Fertile Heart.) The article and the mentality that it supports is total crap.
I agree that the author of the article definitely missed the point of Inconceivable. In fact, I wonder if she even read it at all? With regards to Julia being ‘lucky’, yes I think that Julia is one of the lucky ones, but not because she got pregnant with her second child. She was fortunate to have found her way, to have found herself, and to have found her calling. And from that perspective, we are all lucky, everyone here, everyone reading and writing these posts and doing this work wholeheartedly.
I commend all of us that have something to say about this article and for the many ways that we support our Truest Selves and this very important work.
(Don’t get me wrong; I get AYFKM angry!!! This article just didn’t do it for me.)
Thank you Julia for another great post! I always look forward to reading your blog and engaging with the other Visionary Moms. I really liked what you said about our words and ideas having weight; it’s so obvious, almost hiding in plain sight, but it’s a great reminder of the importance of connection.
J., I wonder if you feel this, but I’m seeing you claim more and more of your power and clarity and willingness to be visible and have your voice be heard.
I also appreciate your public support of the work and this little schoolhouse and me as a very human teacher in need of helpers just like everyone else.
Keep taking very good care of all those emerging Visionaries. Make sure they ask and get what they need to keep growing.
Hi Julia. I’m not sure I follow about you wondering if I feel this. Do you have a moment to explain?
Wow, beautiful perspective RHRN !!
Its incredible to see all the different perspectives and you turned the “Lucky” orphan into a “Lucky” visionary power……..kudos to you !!
I too hope, folks search Julia’s name and could get connected with this work. I tried to reach out to so many of my friends who are facing the fertility challenge & explained to them about how this work empowers them. They love to hear & show so much attention to my wailing & complaints & suffering about what I went through in my journey but don’t pay attention to how this work has affected me positively in so many ways.
I can finally connect with Julia’s introduction on one of the CDs where she states if you are wondering WHY ME?, then we are a group of brave women that GOD hand picked for this challenge. Even though thousands face this challenge, I feel proud the way my thinking has changed from O to V (& still working thru)
Hi MiraculousLife,
I agree; it’s wonderful to feel and notice the changes from the O thinking patterns to those of the V. This journey has brought me so much. I know now that when my child arrives I’ll be a much better parent than I would have been had I gotten pregnant when we first started TTC. My marriage has also been strengthened throughout this process. But most of all, my relationship with MySelf is so much more fulfilling. I would have never imagined that I would have so much gratitude for this so-called diagnosis.
Take care!
Hello my favorite fertile mamas:
OK, let me jump into this pile….
I have mixed feelings about this. To know that our bodies may indeed continue to produce eggs is very hopeful to me. I feel powerful knowing that is a possibility. Things I’m doing now to increase the health of my body and eggs could possibly have a more powerful and positive consequence than I ever realized. So that’s good news. And to learn that there may be more effective ways to use technology to help us have children when that may be our only way of doing so is also hopeful, because today’s ART choices suck, is also good news.
Now, that’s not to say a lot of this article didn’t piss me off. All of the focus on statistics and age and “luck” and percentages. For the love! I mean, I’m so very tired of hearing all of this blather and bullsh**. I have been procrastinating going back to the RE because I know I will get all of those numbers, stats, donor egg speeches and “5% IVF success rates” speeches thrown in my face. The very “best” I can get is Clomid and an IUI again, and the last time I did that I spent three months in hormone hell waiting for my cycles to regulate and my brain to straighten out. I mean, if we don’t have any structural issues or sperm probs, IS ART the answer? Is it? How do we know? I don’t like all of this “information” that claims any women nearing or (especially) over 40 MUST turn to science to get pregnant because on your own, you’re toast. Unless you are lucky in win the lottery or something, but that’s just not likely. Right, docs? Arg. It’s a constant source of panic for me and I’m sure many mamas out there. It’s sometimes impossible to stay in tune when all you hear is this huge battle cry for us to head out and have some doc find and save our “last good egg.” I sometimes (most times lately) feel so beaten down by this. If so many smart people scream this, isn’t it the truth? And since I’m STILL not pregnant, then isn’t that proving them right? But I remind myself, medicine is a practice, not a recipe. Pregnancy is a mystery. If ART was perfect, EVERYONE who tried it would get pregnant. I need forums like this, and guidance/mentoring such as what I find here, to keep me on the path.
So now let’s talk about the article in terms of journalism. As a writer and a professor of journalism, I would have NEVER let this article fly the way it was written. First of all, the first paragraphs are where we journalists introduce the topics we will be talking about and hook the reader. I tell my students these lead paragraphs are like a promise to the reader. Well, this writer talked about Julia and her success at getting pregnant in spite of the medical world’s negativity. So in my mind, the article SHOULD be about mind/body-type of fertility therapies, bucking the medical naysayers, people who get pregnant despite the odds and stats. Right? Instead, the article goes on to talk about a new form of ART and how anyone “old” who gets pregnant doesn’t do so without ART. WTH? It doesn’t fit. Julia’s story does not need to be in this article because it 1.) doesn’t fit with the article’s topic and 2.) makes Julia look like someone who just rolled the dice and got lucky. It’s manipulating facts to make it work within a story, and it’s bad journalism. (Might be time for me to start pitching my own idea to publications right about now, huh Julia??)
OK, off my soapbox. Ha ha. I miss our long chats on the forum! I had to skip this week’s call, and so I’m feeling a bit unhinged without my posse. I realized I am feeling a LOT of anger, over so many things. Julia, I’m needing some guidance on which imagery to use and what BT to try. Everything I’m doing doesn’t feel right. A large part of me just wants to give up this fight. And it is a fight. But another part of me realizes I haven’t tapped into the well yet. I’m still standing on the edge. I’m tired of hanging on to trauma and anger and pain and sadness and sh** I don’t want or need.
And here’s a dream for you all…..
I’m with my in-laws in some house. This lady (my mother-in-law, but not the one I have in real life), was obviously angry with me and so I kept pushing her to tell me what her problem was. She then exploded and told me to f-off, and I at first tried to keep up the victim role. “Oh poor me! No one likes me! How can she speak to me like that? Why I never….” Blah blah. But then I tossed that aside and ripped into her, told her to f-off right back. It felt fantastic! Then I went into another room to pick up a bunch of papers all around the floor. I kept struggling with these tiny scraps of paper that were falling out of my hands. But I eventually gathered everything up and left. As I stormed out of the house, I walked past this guy who then reached out to grab my face. I whipped around to fight him, but my hands were SOO full of trash and I was so tired. I didn’t have it in me and I wondered why I didn’t just drop the trash. Then another woman ran by and smacked that guy down, then took me into an RV so I could rest up.
Love to you all!
Sending you love, K!
Rather than giving you a prescription here without engaging with youy directly in real time, I will contradict myself now. This is what clients I’ve worked with have found helpful: pick any of the imagery sequences regardless of how they feel and the same with Body Truth. Do them respectfully and be present for whatever rises up.
And…yes, we do need more good journalism, a visit from a good journalist who would take the time to actually understand what it is we’re doing here, that would be nice. Whenever you’re ready.
Thank you, Julia! I will give that a shot. I am always trying to do everything so perfectly, but that ends up stressing me out. I need to learn how to be present.
So I’m doing Unconditional Gratitude and New Beginnings. Felt appropriate. When I did the imagery, I had about 14 layers of clothing on. Hmm….carrying around a lot of unnecessary crap that does me no good, I see. Well, no kidding. I’m making a point to do my practice before I get so tired I fall asleep halfway through.
Imagery complete. Feeling of just being present and nothing more nice and a relief. The last few weeks have been crazy! I felt rushed all day today and in reality I was. I was listening to the radio during all my driving and a great devotional came on which mirrored how i was feeling. I was verbally reminded to pause, or change how i spend my time so I can enjoy the moments instead of getting lost in the shuffle of.
Gravid- thanks for your always awesome input and support. I am finding that I am being very visionary for services for my daughter, but so overwhelmed by everything!
Julia I must say that I keep birthing the next best T. One who without this work may still be hiding out in orphan land jumping from one O to the next never really finding that little girl who was buried so long ago. I also know this work continues to help me be the best mom for the child I already have.
I have not yet had my second child, but I am thankful for the birth which continues to happen within me! Thanks!
Dear Julia, Mama-J, MiraculousLife, gutsymama, Warriorbeagle, Heather, FearlessRose, Openhearted, and Mother2Be,
Julia – Wonderful wonderful powerful medicine on the teleconference!!!
Mama-J – I love slow down and just be, although technology allows this group to be and interact.
MiraculousLife – So wonderful to hear from you!
gutsymama – No I don’t think it’s all luck.
Warriorbeagle – What a wonderful connection with your husband – so you can really be together in this journey.
Ruth Hegarty – Yay for reaching for the baby from a grounded place!
Heather – So wonderful to hear from you and I’m glad your pregnancy is going well – good point about these treatments seem to be for the rich.
FearlessRose – Good point about too much with the biological clock.
Openhearted – wonderful fro posting about and committing to your imagery and I totally get it about dropping your daughter off at school and starting to worry about her day.
Mother2Be – Wonderful to point out technology with engagement of ourselves.
What I don’t totally understand from the article referred to here is why Julia’s work is referred to in the first place. This mainly seems to be talking about technological advances which I am not against, if done ethically. What is a challenge is chalking this whole practice up to luck. Why does there have to be a dismissive attitude towards everything that is not technology – also why can’t the combination of technology and these tools or other non-tech tools be helpful for some people?
I have been doing more of some of Riding the Current of Creation Fertile Heart body truth and the imagery about imagining yourself as the you who believes without a shadow of a doubt that you can become pregnant.I love both those tools. I haven’t been doing imagery in the morning, but I am making an effort now to do it as in the case of Openhearted , after I drop my daughter off at school. I keep hearing my father part of me that says if I just do one more thing for my daughter the educational side of her journey will improve or the emotional side. And then if it doesn’t or there is a setback I say why did I spend all my time that way. I’m sure there’s a balance. There’s also a voice of my father in me that says if I’m feeling pretty much OK healthwise, that any steps I might take to care for myself further are pure indulgence and therefore bad. Then if my daughter is in one of her emotional moods and says to me something to the effect of you don’t have to take care of yourself mom as she did Monday before the call Monday, it is all I can do to keep moving forward. But I am determined to do so.
Blessings to all
Imagery complete! Little less tugging from the O, more V connection! Also Land of halves was an amazing place, peaceful!
Yes!!
I’m going to buck the trend a bit here. My babies were the result of IVF using ICSI due to male infertility. The medical industry played a huge part in making me a mommy and will likely play a part in our next pregnancy. Tinkering and testing in the past allowed for my family’s future. For that I’m grateful. The fact that they have potentially found something that extends the medical field’s perceived fertility end date takes some of the RIGHT NOW this is your LAST CHANCE pressure off. That being said, the medical field isn’t able to give everyone the success we are lucky enough to enjoy. It couldn’t give us a baby 100% of the time either. The IVF process didn’t work until we took responsibility for our experience and incorporated the OVUM process. In my opinion, that is where the article referenced falls short. Giving up our power by taking the easy way out and letting the medical professionals handle it isn’t the answer. Working through your orphans, engaging the visionary and listening to your ultimate mom while using every resource you are called to use is the answer.
Monday night’s call was wonderful. Julia – I did it. ;-)
I’m with you and I think many of FertileHearters are. I’m all for science when used with integrity and when it helps us repair that which cannot be repaired any other way. Unfortunately that’s much too often not the case in this industry. It’s the whole “luck/or no luck” and promises of ending the biological clock that I have trouble with.
I think you know how thrilled I am that ICSI worked for you and thrilled that working with the OVUM tools made a difference. It’s very cool to hear you speak about tuning and revising your treatment schedule, etc.
I’m not going to go into much detail here it’s a topic for a separate blog maybe, but what is also true is that we are seeing health issues with children conceived through ICSI. Because many people are not encouraged to do the work you did.
Thank you, M. keep bucking the trend…and thank you for letting me know that Monday’s call was helpful.
We are in agreement on all points. I didn’t mean to say I agree with the author. Quite the opposite. The author’s simplification of this journey to luck or no luck is definitely flawed. Luck is not passive like the article would lead us to believe. It has been said that luck is opportunity meeting preparedness. This work has provided that preparedness as well as, in many cases, the opportunity. To tie your name and work to the passive or easy solution clearly shows that the author didn’t do her research.
You have always been very supportive whether we were trying naturally or going through IVF. I’m quite certain I would not have my daughter or have had my son without your generous teaching.
I’m looking forward to your next blog and Monday’s call.
I did the imagery today! As much as my O wanted to pull away my V said come on you need this! After doing the imagery I could see how I was viewing the day from an O perspective! Hence engage speak from a place of truth and hope not my O place of doom and gloom!
I’m SO familiar with the “pull away O.” And I always pay a price when I give into her. Pretty awesome mama V. that didn’t give in.
I find it so interesting that everyone is looking for a way to take our power away. I am consistently told that I should not believe in myself, but I should believe in the Dr. Why? The dr tells me I will never get my period on my own, but then I do, I am then told it doesnt mean anything! I guess getting my period on my own is dangerous for business.
It isnt dangerous for me to believe in myself. It is empowering!
N
Oh my goodness………..I cannot even say how frustrated and annoyed I am about reading this Daily Beast article! at first, I thought, why is she quoting Julia’s book without mentioning any of the benefits of what a change in mind/heart can do? why does she not recognise the fertile heart practice as one of the most meaningful and helpful practices that it is for so many of us, including myself? and why does she then immediately start banging on about statistics and the downsides of progressing age & then propose the most expensive way of conceiving with the help of technology? why even mention Julia’s book?!
Then, it dawned on me that she appears to be saying is “forget about your heart/mind, just go straight to the most expensive way to conceive with the help of the latest ‘cutting edge’ technology”! at best, if feels like the author did not read Julia’s book and, at worst, the author might be trying to discredit the amazing power of fertile heart practice to help women and men live a happy, healthy and peaceful life, with the hopeful side-effect of giving birth to healthy babies (with or without the help of ART)! She seems to miss the point completely, that Julia and all the fertile heart mummies and daddies turn(ed) inward to their own truth, rather than focusing and relying completely on the “outward” truths of doctors and statisticians.
It just worries me so very much to see that the industry is focusing on increasingly complex technological ways to manipulate eggs, the body and the physical to “produce” more babies. The cost is outrageous in itself! Not to say that I would not be utterly delighted for anyone conceiving a healthy baby with the help of this technology. However, in this enlightened age, one would have thought that more R&D funding would go into research on the effects & the healing power of the mind and heart. I worry what this means for my daughter when she gets older – will there be nobody left who believes in the mystical power of the self and how we can heal and live a fulfilled life (even sometimes without the help of technology)? but, most of all, that constant focusing on the biological clock is just not helpful. I am not in denial that age is not a factor to consider, but it just breaks the spirit and soul when all one reads or is told, is that one will never conceive unless one does IVF or takes other expensive ART routes!!
Here’s to the mind and the heart leading the way!
FearlessRose,
I agree with you. I find the costs of ART prohibitive and utterly outrageous. It’s so expensive to begin with, then multiply the price tag 4 times to add in the OvaPrime or Augment?! I actually laughed out loud when I read in the article “As long as they could afford OvaPrime…” Get real. We need to wake up to the fact that the infertility industrial complex is ripping us off! (Whoa, there’s the anger, Julia! Lol.) I’m not saying that people do not benefit from the industry, because many people certainly have; however, many more people have not, and they have lost large sums of money in the process. Doing ‘infertility treatments’ are like gambling, and the house always wins.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the Fertile Heart OVUM practice is a steal. You get so much return on such a modest, affordable investment.
Thanks!
I think what initially angered me about the article is the how Julia was ” lucky “. As if that is all there is too it, as if the self reflection and exploration, life style changes, dietary changes, etc. had no bearing. It’s like all she could focus on was simply that you got pregnant and nothing else, thereby missing what FH and the practice is all about.
Another part that upset me were the simple facts that as usual, these treatments are unavailable and/or difficult to obtain for anyone not living abroad NOT TO MENTION the cost. So the possibility of fertility tourism increases. I can already picture the brochures being printed and the packages of hotel, air fare, and treatment options being put together.
For some women this is an unattainable carrot to dangle, so once again this kind of treatment is for the wealthy but sadly, I can imagine so many women taking out credit cards, borrowing money, obtaining loans to finance this treatment. I borrowed close to $20,000 dollars for my one and only IVF procedure which resulted in no pregnancy, goodness knows had this been offered I might have done the same and taken out even more money.
Perhaps what grates on my nerves as usual are the freaking statistics. I am so tired of numbers, percentages, studies, etc. Every study basically is a blow that takes you to your knees and yet I know, personally, many women in my immediate area who are having babies into their mid and late 40’s. Some are conceived the old fashioned way, some through ART, egg donation, etc. If I hear one more statistic on this issue I think I will come unhinged.
So now the fertility complex has solved this issue for us… how delightful and kind of them… now all you have to do is wait for this to be available, save $50,000 in cash, travel out of the country and continue to blame yourself for anything and everything you have ever done to get to this place, while pouring over statistics … ahhhh yes, how I love the fertility industry… what will they think of next?
P.S. Hello to all my fellow fertile mama’s… I think of you everyday and I still light candles for all of us on our journey. Love to you all and to Julia!
Heather, I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you check in and say hello. I’m so happy for you,
so glad I got to meet you. I hope you are enjoying every minute of your pregnancy. Thank you again for this insightful comment and for the candles and good wishes. Sending much love,
Julia
I am trying to summon the strength to comment on the article on their website. Increasingly I am finding that I am getting more and more frustrated by what I read and hear on the radio when it comes to fertility issues. Having been through 3 rounds of ivf, and other treatments, I feel like I have a lot to say on the matter; but it also feels like exposing a very vulnerable part of me that hasn’t healed yet. It took me a long time to summon the courage to even comment on this forum; and I am working on being brave enough to have my voice heard in the wider world.
One thing I will say is how much I hate how the constant tick tock and image of time running out that seems to dominate every discussion in the media. And this crazy assumption that not having a baby earlier is always because of a woman’s career. It annoys the hell out of me! Maybe I feel especially sensitive about this because it will be my 36th birthday this week. I don’t want it to be, but it does feel like something of a landmark: if we’re going to go down the reductive science route the wrong side of the statistics. And yet it has already been a long trail, and knowing how I feel about it now, if we still hadn’t met our child yet I can easily see how this journey could span 3 decades of our lives, our 20s, 30s and 40s. And at the core I don’t think it would feel any different at any of those points due to age, ( a devastating prognosis is a devastating prognosis), but I’m hoping it may feel different due to actions.
I had a bit of a break through with Body Truth the other night, practicing Defend Receive. I realized I was reaching for the baby and stretching too far, and hurting myself, and my feet were not properly grounded on the floor. And I realized unconsciously that I always do that! So I went back and did it again, and this time comfortably and carefully reached for the baby, only as far as was safe, with my feet firmly rooted. I think beginning this journey with a letter saying that I had to be urgently rushed to the top of the waiting list for several rounds of ivf set in a panic, that even several years later it is so hard to undo. But I am now trying to work on consciously making this a journey that is not about over-reaching or suffering enough to prove how much I want a child, but about nourishing and building myself up, so I can reach without panic, but from a place of security and inner strength. I am trying to learn to give myself the gift of time, but I struggle so much as it feels so much like I began on the back foot.
I hope that I can turn the anger I feel over what happened to us and what is happening to so many couples, into a source of strength.
Happy birthday, Ruth!! We will be celebrating that gift that you are.
I feel immense gratitude to every awesome member of our community, or anyone else who engages in conversation with me here. I’m birthing a couple of huge projects at the moment, an affiliate program, a new practitioners call…lots of great stuff. And…the contractions are coming…This morning I did my practice and felt so much lighter and stronger as a result but it was finding your thoughtful, life-filled comment Ruth, that adds that extra much needed support for my caravan of unheard, unseen, misunderstood, marginalized Orphans; supports them in growing up and living a different reality.
I say, yes to allowing the frustration and anger energize you so that you can use your IMMENSE gifts of humanity, writing talent, kindness, courage (not too many people hop on a plane from Japan to Woodstock, trusting the impulse to do so, when no other Authority validates their choice)and so much more.
You ABSOLUTELY are turning those IVF’s and this challenge into a huge source of healing. Keep walking I am here to cheer for you every step of the way. Thank you, to you Ruth, and all of the gorgeous Visionaries, for supporting me in co-creating a reality in which my work matters, and I’m heard and seen the same way I strive to hear and see, through my own all too human eyes, everyone who crosses my path.
Yes! to waking up, J.!!
Julia. I want to share with you a page from our journey that feels to me exactly like the type of fertility medicine you prefer. After two days of “wtf” appointments that provided no conclusive advice as to the source of our continued failures and where the “d” word was also floated as a “quick fix”…my usually very stoic, “survival mode” husband and I had a very real conversation.
With raw emotion in his eyes that I haven’t seen in a long time, he told me he loved me and wanted a baby that was him AND me. And that had all the things that were great about me. Not him and some other woman. Which made me break down into tears of frustration, because of the painful limbo we’ve been stuck in for four years. And then he told me why he always gets mad and snaps when I cry…a) because he can’t fix it and b) because it’s like drips from a faucet and I never really open it all the way and let it all out. He told me he wanted me to get mad and in that moment I screamed at him with cathartic rage.
“Get mad and then transmute that anger into an energizer like no other.” This is what it felt like in that moment. I understand.
And although we are no closer to a solution or an answer (at least not consciously), I have been carrying around with me that feeling of his scared little orphan that he let me get a glimpse of that day. And every time I think of it, I feel like it momentarily changes my body chemistry and creates a soft spot. And I take comfort in the fact that this journey had brought us closer together.
Thank you so much for sharing this, T. We do, we must become alchemists on this journey and the human journey.And support each other in that work. It’s way too hard to do alone. Thank you again for this!
I feel like they could not of read the book fully to just throw the word “lucky” out there. I added a little comment to twitter to the daily beast. I think to understand the work fully is to read your books and take the time to work with the tools and then they will no longer be able to say luck towards the new mamas in the community.
K. Thank you so much for adding a comment to the Daily Beast tweet. That kind of stuff is so helpful!
WHOAAAAAAAA……….WHAT THE F*** Jean T and Ovaprime !!!! is my very first reaction to that article. I am mad, extremely mad about many things or almost everything in that article. Firstly how could they just simply pick Julia’s name without her permission? Well I suppose that’s what media can absolutely do I guess. Just do what they want.
As I was reading the article, I was developing a disgust but later it turned into sympathy thinking how foolish these experts were and even God can’t save them. Like they say, “when you are dead, everyone except you can feel it, similarly when you are stupid, you won’t know, but others do”.
If only we can tweak and play with all the stem cells and EggPC cells that GOD has given without understanding the role and responsibility of each of every cell, I can just imagine how disastrous it could really turn the humanity into. This very article raised my concerns on science, technology and health care industry. This is a perfect trap for those who will very easily fall into as “fertility crisis” makes one so damn vulnerable.
I was surprised, how many times in the article it was quoted on genetic bonding and escaping donor route. After all these years of my journey, I can say this with 200% confidence, no matter how your baby chooses to come – whether you choose natural route, IVF, donor tissue, donor embryo, adoption, or surrogacy; I am in AWE of the creation process. GOD absolutely is super duper brilliant that he built this beautiful, complex, tightly integrated human body. Thinking of using something with half knowledge will prove disastrous.
I am so glad to have found Fertile Heart, which has profoundly changed my life in many ways else I would have been another sheep reading the Ovaprime article, calling my husband and saying – “look there’s a new technology to tweak my eggs” !!!
Julia – what you are saying is so important. I feel as if somewhere along the way we have stopped trusting in inherent human wisdom.
Why is our society so willing to disregard intuition, human interaction and face-to-face contact? We have this bizarre notion that technology will save us if only we buy into the next latest and greatest thing. We practically kill ourselves running around trying to impress a bunch of people that are too busy texting to even notice us. Who is going to say enough is enough? When do we get to slow down and just be…without all of the constant chatter and mindless updates? It blows my mind that we have collectively decided that it is OK to throw a phone or tablet in the hands of 6-year-olds (or younger!) without any guidance or thoughtful research. And…then we are annoyed when our teenagers won’t talk to us and we wonder why we are finding it difficult to able to raise children that are emotionally healthy, compassionate, thoughtful stewards of the earth and its people. I am certainly not anti-technology (as I sit here typing on my laptop), but…I believe we need to be mindful of the impact of the power of technology, particularly on our children.
Sorry for the rant…I’m just dying for us to wake-up and get real!
Mama-J. I liked your rant very much :) Technology just keeps getting crazier and crazier, and younger and younger children are getting addicted to it (much like we, as adults, are addicted.) It’s no wonder that sleep disorders and chronic illness are becoming so common.
You’re right, enough is enough.