Fertile Heart Moms: Deidra’s Story

This was Deidra’s first email to FertileHeart:

“My name is Deidra. I am 34 years old. At 31 years old I was told I would never have my own baby and that fertility treatments were not an option. My FSH was 28. The doctors were all shocked as I had no red flags and was a very healthy 31 year old. I actually had to fight them just to run the test because my gut told me something wasn’t right. After the first doctor, I got a second opinion who agreed to try fertility treatments. I later realized he didn’t expect me to respond at all, but I did. Responded, but still no pregnancy. I went through 4 IUIs, then switched to IVF. I did two IVF procedures. The first they retrieved 5 eggs and were shocked, but only 1 fertilized and grew normally. They transferred that one, but no success. The second IVF they only retrieved one egg and it did not fertilize normally so no transfer. In December of last year my husband and I decided to switch to an egg donor. The doctors told me all along that my only issue was egg quality and that everything else was absolutely perfect (I’ve had every test possible completed to be sure of that). Every time they’ve told me my uterine lining and anatomy are “picture perfect.” So, in we jumped to the egg donor and I was just excited that I’d still be able to carry and feel the normal things of pregnancy and firmly believe(d) that the baby was 110% mine once it was inside me. I’ve completed 3 transfers (one fresh and two frozen cycles) and still no pregnancy.”

More gems from Deidra’s story:

“My top priority was healing myself. I continued with the dietary changes and I understood the OVUM practice a lot better.       Julia helped me figure out which exercises to do and guided me through different strategies.

I shared with Julia that my husband was worried about me. He was scared that I was believing too much in the Fertile Heart practice –that I would be able to get pregnant on my own. He was afraid to see me go through the cycles of hope and disappointment and to go backwards to where I was before we had decided to move forward with Egg Donation. That was really hard for me to accept and he worried how I would fare if I had to go through all those emotions again. He was also worried we were losing time. So as much as he was trying to support me, he didn’t understand the practice.

I asked him to read Julia’s Fertile Female and he agreed. I told him I just didn’t want to move forward with any bitterness and carry it with me for the rest of my life. I was afraid that our child would sense that bitterness and that wasn’t fair. My goal was to heal myself so I could be a better mother, wife, friend – a better person.

That’s when he looked at me and said “ok.”

That discussion changed a lot in both of us and helped us support and understand each other.

I was continuing with the Visionary Series and at some point I realized that I was not behaving like myself with my mom. She was going through radiation treatments and she would text me asking me to come with her. I found myself ignoring her and not calling her – which wasn’t me. When I did my imagery practice, I asked myself why was I shutting her out? I suddenly realized I was jealous.

There was that inner orphan screaming ‘what about me?’ People know how to respond to someone with breast cancer. They know how to go with them to appointments, make them dinner, send them flowers and cards, but all my close friends and family that I had told what I was going through, didn’t know how to respond – didn’t know how to support me. I didn’t have that connection where people knew what to do and how to be there for me. Seeing my mom get all the attention was very hard for me. I called her and explained what I was feeling. She completely understood.

From that moment forward, none of it mattered anymore because I recognized it and discussed it with her and she understood. That was another big healing moment for me. That inner orphan has continued to express itself, but I was able to process it and be there to help heal it.

Right before I discovered I was pregnant, I really hadn’t been feeling well. I had a sinus infection and had been on antibiotics, which upset my stomach. I assumed that was what was going on. I finished the antibiotics, but still felt very sick and really tired and run down and had been that way for a week. I had my blood sugar checked and it was low. I had been doing the dietary changes in Julia’s book and was starting to feel really good, so I couldn’t understand why now I was feeling so terrible. I went to my primary care doctor and thought maybe I had diabetes and said something wasn’t right. I thought to myself, “NOW what is wrong with me.” My PCP suggested a list of tests, but also said ‘we need to rule out pregnancy.” The thought had flitted across my mind, but I wasn’t willing to recognize it because I was so afraid of that devastation again. I started to prepare myself emotionally for the same result I have had so many times before.

“The doctor came back in the room fairly quickly and she was crying. She handed me the test and I looked at it and it had two red lines on it. I said, ‘you’re going to have to spell it out for me because I don’t know what this means.” She said, “You’re pregnant!”

I looked at her and said “No.” That wasn’t possible. She said this is not a false positive and I would not mislead you or put you through this.” I started shaking. I was in shock. She took a blood sample and told me to contact my fertility doctor. She gave me a big hug.

I was completely overwhelmed. I drove to my husband’s work place and told him. I showed him the test results and he couldn’t believe it. My primary doctor called me later that evening and said based on the blood tests, I was about 8.5 weeks pregnant. It made sense in retrospect because I had spotted for 3 or 4 days in October but never got a period. I was discouraged at the time because I thought my cycles were off because of all the medications and I was anxious to try to get back into a normal routine of cycles.

I found out later the spotting was actually implantation. And, the period I had in September (about a week after Woodstock) was the first period in my entire life with no cramps, not a single one.

Julia and her work changed my life in so many ways; changed who I am and how I have been moving forward with life. Getting pregnant was the highlight of it, but it was the whole journey and I can’t thank her enough for everything and her support. Carrying this baby is the happiest thing I could be doing right now.