Motherhood Preferred: A Doorway to Freedom

By on October 31, 2013

Motherhood Preferred: A Doorway to Freedom

Sister, friend,

Do you want to be a mother,

or yearn for redemption?

Do you want to be a mother,

or is it restitution you’re after?

Is this child—your child-to-be—

going to set them straight,

show them

they’ve done you wrong,

never gave you

what you came here to get:

Unconditional Adoration?

Fertile Heart Pregnant Woman with Small Child
Fertile Heart Pregnant Woman with Small Child

Such a heavy burden

for her small shoulders,

your daughter’s shoulders

are caving in under all that weight.

Sister, friend,

tell that child to come home

when she’s ready.

Tell her the door’s unlocked.

When she asks if there is anything she could bring you,

tell her you have all you need

Tell her to




I promised to post this after the exercise we did during the last Visionary Mom’s Teleconference.   It’s  a poem I wrote many years ago after witnessing the suffering of a beautiful Mom-To-Be. And it turned out to be an effective fertility remedy for her.

Attending to the Orphan within us that expects to be saved by motherhood can be a pivotal step toward birthing the Visionary Mama that simply longs to love a child.  The Backpack imagery on Fertile Heart Imagery One CD is another  powerful remedy for this hungry child within us.

Here’s a  question: what is one expectation you’d be willing to let go off that might allow you to walk this trail with a lighter step?

21 Responses to “Motherhood Preferred: A Doorway to Freedom”

  1. Joanne says:

    Beautiful poem, Julia Thank you. I keep reading it over and over.

    I think the one thing that I can let go of to lighten my journey is anger. I think that anger can be a productive, healthy, human emotion, as long as you feel it, move through it and don’t stay there. But lately I feel like I’ve stayed with my anger too long, not letting it go, allowing it to comfort me, instead of the other way around.

  2. ThinkPositive says:

    Yesterday I think i noticed a new snowflake: I realized the hope and healing are disturbed in me by the orphan who wants me never to forget the bad things, hope to make wrongs right. But i then realized it is time to promise the orphan that i will never forget, yet it is time to let go of the heavy grief, to forgive them and myself for the lost time, lost love, unfulfilled promises. I thought i left it all across the atlantic but i didn’t. My orphan never stopped hoping for an opportunity to relive that which is gone now. I am planning to create a ritual that will let me put the wrongs in the past and will help me come to term with the fact that i cannot change the past. Again, this does not mean i plan to forget. But reliving the past is wrong too, and does not help me to live my life. So the ritual will promise/ show my orphan that i will never forget, but also will help us move on–at least i hope so. And so Julia, the one thing i am willing to let go to lighten my journey towards a second is the belief that the child’s love will change the past or help me reclaim it. It cannot be reclaimed and hurting constantly will not help to reclaim it.
    The child’s love will be the child’s love.

  3. simone says:

    I also read it over and over again. My feelings are similar to summers.
    To add for myself – I need to let go of the need that with one more child I can justify not to go back to my high stress job i had before I had my first and only child.
    I guess I needed the feeling I am needed at home…? I always had acceptance through my work, felt good about working and the results – and to leave all that at once – caused this emptiness i guess I tried to fill up.
    I need to let go of the feeling I am not worth much without my job?
    ??? hmmm
    Thank you

  4. Cristy says:

    Dear Julia:

    Thank you Julia for posting such a beautiful and insightful piece. I have been giving much thought to your question about which expectation would to lighten the load on my journey. I would have to say that the loneliness Orphan keeps showing up. I am expecting my second child to be mine and my daughter’s companion that will take away all feelings of loneliness and would provide what I can’t. Definitely a huge burden for my little angel.

  5. ThinkPositive says:

    Hi Julia,
    The beautiful poem reminded me of Kahlil Gibran’s “On Children” ( and made me think how even when we receive the child we long for, the children are always “[t]he sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself” as Gibran’s poem suggests.
    Thank you Julia for all the insights you’re brought forth in me.

  6. Sarah says:

    Thank you Julia for this poem. The one thing that I would let go of is the expectation of genetic perfection. My doors are open, come as you are.

  7. LSG says:

    As I reread this post, I realized that I could let go of the thought that it’s not necessary to have 2 children in order to: 1) be a “real” family, 2) be a successful mom, and 3) make sure that the first child is well-adjusted. That’s a lot of pressure on that second child and lack of compassion toward myself. In fact, all three of these are already true, but my orphans sure have a hard time seeing it.

  8. SC07 says:

    Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem. It gives me the opportunity to pause and contemplate as I continue on my journey.

  9. Openhearted says:

    Dear Julia, I took the time over the last week to find the one thing that I aim to let go. I found that I aim to let go of my child bringing me completeness. I have had this feeling that if we have one more child then my family will be complete. My journey of having children will be complete. But I have come to realize that this is not true. That completeness that I am striving for is what I have been looking for all my life. I have lost some pieces of myself along the way. Through doing this work I have learned that I am slowly regaining the pieces and evolving them into something more. I have the control to know I can create my own feeling of completeness in life!
    With thanks and blessings,

  10. dmama says:

    Thank you for this beautiful poem! I have read it a number a times over the past few days and have been waiting for the answer to pop-up. Two answers have come to me. One is that I want the baby to fill up my home and make it feel lively. The other is that I want to baby to make me feel youthful. Julia, one thing that I understood from the call was that you encouraged us to seek out those things that we wanted to baby to bring us on our own in order to unburden the baby and remove those expectations from him/her. So, I have been working hard to fill my house in other ways–we’ve been having guests over every weekend and it has felt quite lively and full. I have also been trying to do things to feel more youthful and reconnect with my younger self so that the baby should feel welcome to come into expectation-free and burden-free open arms. Thank you!

  11. Sulli612 says:

    Hi Julia. Through your practice and attending your workshop in Woodstock, I realized the crippling fear I had been holding onto for most of my life, as well as an inner orphan who has been screaming, “What about me?!” probably since I was 3 years old. These two realizations literally broke down walls I didn’t know had been built. The things I am willing to let go of are the aspects of me that are trying to control/prevent something from going wrong, and the blame/self-doubt if something were to go wrong. I am so glad to have found the faith and trust that my baby will meet me half way on this journey, all I have to do is take one step at a time in his/her direction and do so with compassion for myself and others. Thank you Julia.

  12. heather says:

    Dear Julia- I have read and re-read this poem many,many times. I struggled with replying because I had to step back and take a good look in the mirror. I have focused on my pain, my struggles, and my losses rather than looking forward to what will be gained and who this journey is truly about- my child. Those orphans of mine focus on me, me, me, my time, my loss, etc. I am willing to let go of my expectation of timing and just accept that my child will come when he or she feels ready- I am unlocking my door and I will be there when my child is ready to join me. I loved what Summer stated about being deeply loved and loving deeply. I am here for my child and my arms are wide open ready for her whenever she is ready.

  13. Summer says:

    Hmmmmmm…… I have enjoyed reading this enlightening poem over and over and over again for the past week. My truth is that I began my journey toward motherhood as the visionary who simply longed to love a child we created from our beautiful love for one another. When this journey brought heartache is when my hungry Orphan began to scream and i got lost in a yearn and plea and self-demand for the restitution you suggest, Julia. My “journey” became desperate until recently thanks to practicing OVUM and your amazing books. During our previous visionary circle series you posed the challenge to each of us to answer this question: “What do you want this baby to bring you?” Among my seemingly obvious answers, the answer “confidence” spontaneously popped in ! Wow. That was an eye opener. I realized I was losing confidence in myself to birth the precious miracle of a child. That is simply not acceptable and indeed a burden to lay on an innocent baby. My door is wide open because I love deeply and I am loved deeply. I am a safe haven for you dear little one, I am here to bring you, just you, only you, into our world.

  14. Tania says:

    Dear Julia- “Tell her the door’s unlocked.”- that is the part of the poem that I felt unlatched a little something for me. The clingy orphan wants this whole conception to go “my” way, on “my” terms, on “my” time. Such a relief to feel into- what if I wasn’t standing by the doorway checking the pot of water to boil so to speak at every second, looking out, desperate to find her- so yes, she could fill some empty part of me. What if instead I went and had a cup of tea and played trains with my son instead and watched for whatever showed up next for me from a loving open place. Feels good! And I appreciate the insight that the poem gave me. Thank you for posting.

  15. tracy says:

    Beautiful poem! I love it even more as it is me in the picture with my little girl and I am days away from delivering our second, a baby that many, many days I thought would never, ever, come. The poem is a reflection of exactly how I felt during my journey and with Julia’s work, I was able to find my way to lift the burdens I was carrying. Thank you Julia!

  16. Madhu says:

    Such a lovely poem with very deep meaning to each and every word !
    what is one expectation you’d be willing to let go off that might allow you to walk this trail with a lighter step?
    Hmm……”RESPECT” is what suddenly popped up. This is the answer for the moment. I want my baby to bring back the respect I had for myself. I always viewed myself as a HERO…..well may be I’m a narcissist. But off late, I don’t see that kind of attitude. I have tied this to my baby and in my mind the orphan keeps singing continuously …..”Dear baby, come on in soon and alleviate my pain, embarrassment and save my face in front of this world and more importantly to my own self”.
    Finally I feel better, as I kept reading this poem from morning almost every other hour and asking myself this question and nothing concrete came up that felt like a genuine emotion/feeling.
    I want to let go off putting the burden to earn respect through baby making

  17. Katy G says:

    love this so much Julia and needed this as well

  18. Hautbois says:

    This is such a healing, illuminating poem, and I thank you, dear Julia.
    It allows us to unveil our Visionary Mama —
    With gentleness, my Visionary Mama is showing me that I can accept and appreciate all that is in my life, now! And that my child will join me, as I love her for who she is, in that most elemental and sublime calling.

    I aim to let go of my expectation of my child bringing me ‘calm.’
    I have the ability to choose what is right for me — to create calm in my life — now.

    With Love and Gratitude,

  19. Openhearted says:

    Beautiful! Wonderfully written! T

  20. Robin says:

    Dear Julia,

    Thank you for the beautiful poem. Loving the child because the child is. That makes total sense. I am learning to love my daughter because she is. And part of this is learning to love ourselves because we are.

  21. Mother2Be says:

    Absolutely lovely Julia! Thank you for sharing. ~M

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