Why must we make “Infertility” disappear?
We must make “infertility” disappear because the harm that is being done through that 5 syllable word is escalating and we can either choose to keep participating in increasing the harm being done through that word or we can have the guts to participate in a different enterprise.
No, we don’t want to ignore the reality of our diagnoses, the authority of studies, statistics, or science. But we must learn to read studies with a discerning eye, assessing the limitations, the reliability of data, the validity of the findings.
Words can build worlds. And “infertility” this highly misleading word, has contributed to erecting a multibillion-dollar infrastructure that needs this word in order to keep growing.
If there is something the baby journey is teaching us, is that healing is a far more expansive, far more mysterious journey than science that reduces us to numbers leads us to believe. And when we accept such a resolute declaration of our inability to create life as our reality, it could effectively close the door on a potential healing.
It’s a declaration that can equally affect the effect of natural remedies as well as assisted reproduction. Medical technology can be a useful tool
But we want to make sure that we only use IVF, egg donation, surrogacy or any other intervention as an instrument of healing not an act of aggression.
We want to acknowledge the need for repair without ever succumbing to thinking of ourselves as being “infertile”. Because doing so will profoundly affect our biology, our sense of self and how we ultimately look back our family birthing journey.
Are you “infertile?”
Or for reasons known or unknown a biological pregnancy continues to elude you and some part of you has issued an invitation to a healing quest?
I’d love to hear your thoughts, and I hope it’s clear that by no means do I expect you to agree with me. But I do think it’s a subject that would be wonderful for our community to explore.
Absolutely! The Zoom call last night really highlighted the damage that is being done to women by an industry based on feeding fear and failure. We’re conditioned to expect there might be a problem and told we’re old when we’re very young indeed, then we’re given a label, dismissed and told to live with it. I created my own issue entirely from an ageist-fear which I accepted from others once I hit my 30s and it intensified exponentially after 40. Looking back now it was ludicrous. Now that I’m aware of it I’m seeing it everywhere. This week there’ll be a push to get more women in STEM careers, next week we’ll be warned not to “leave it too late” and consider egg-freezing. The same dutiful schoolgirls being applauded today for doing well at school will be judged for leaving it late or “wanting to have it all”. We’re given pills to stop us conceiving, to help us conceive and then more because we can’t conceive any more, unwitting consumers of hormones from menarche to menopause. If the treatment doesn’t work out we’re dismissed to live with their diagnosis with no indication of what we should do and very few voices question what has become the normal system. I dabbled in Julia’s work for years before I appreciated its real power but I try not to blame myself (as that would be giving myself too much credit).
I’m working with Mirror of Truth. I can’t believe I missed it until now, it’s exactly what I need.
Thank you to everyone for great comments. Very inspiring! As Julia neatly puts it: “words can built worlds.” Later on, Julia asks (us): “Are you “infertile?” On that note, I would like to share with you all some of mine insights which emerged during and later an exchange I had with Julia on one of the calls.
Julia gave us a prompt: “I wish someone will really say to me…” And I added: “you are fine, fertile and pregnant.” What followed was a very important exchange for me. Because during this exchange with Julia, I originally equated fertility with my “biological” fertility and it actually seemed very strange to me that I so much misunderstood her question. Actually, not strange, but revealing, because even though I understand that fertility is not about my “fertile ovaries/eggs” etc., at that very moment it was obviously so. As if I got panicked and so much wanted to “prove” that “doctors told me I had ovulation” etc.. So, I realised how strong my Orphan is only through that exchange, for which I am so grateful.
Moreover, I also realised (after the call) something else too: I think I found some bigger O (all-embracing) which is with me for a very long time. Julia asked me whether I am fertile? I said: yes. She asked why? And she also added that my answer would determine much more than just this moment, it will determine my whole journey and impact my whole life. It was so strong to hear that from her so before I answered – in (during) that short pause – I became really afraid/anxious that if I say something “wrong”, I am lost. I will loose that chance forever. So, in other words, I AGAIN let someone from outside (this time not doctors, but Julia) to make me feel insecure and most importantly, in charge of what will happen (to me).
Of course I realise this is my problem, my O, Julia was only showing that to me. But I again let the outer authority (Julia) to tell me my (fertile) “diagnosis”. Although Julia is clearly a very nice and wise authority and told me a “good diagnosis”, still my feelings for that short moment were about fears and uncertainty…As if I was waiting for some “final verdict”. So I wanted to thank so much to Julia for taking me through that and giving me a space to see it. Because of the intensity of our exchange, I will always remember that and will try to make sure that it will be me claiming my fertility from now on…Thank you, as always! And best wishes to everyone!
For a seed to flourish, it needs fertile soil- rich delicious humus filled with the miraculous force of creatures and nutrients conspiring for new life to come forth…so too with us. The rich inner ecosystem we nourish in our bodies and minds and a climate of hope and possibility is so important yet so converse to the fear based thinking, talk of “aggressive treatment” and lack of communication following a diagnosis of unexplained infertility. Turns out that working for Catholic Charities means my insurance covers zero percent of treatment. I believe that just the anxiety of the money alone is so counter to the cozy intimate climate of conception. I would replace “infertility” with positive alternatives… “infuse,inform,invite and invest” opening up to fertile thinking and cultivating a cultural compost of creative affirmation.
I feel passionate about this subject, and really find the rampant use of this term confounding and INFURIATING. I’m not trying to be trite or reductionist, but the use of this term– as well as most of the ways that allopathic medicine describes any issue with the body/mind/spirit– is a ‘top-down’, patriarchal and violent approach. It is so interwoven into our understanding of the “doctor-patient” relationship; most of society seeks an “answer” from someone in a white coat, hoping to get a pill or course of treatment from the outside. While of course, this is sometimes life-saving etc., I’m not talking about that in this post. Most of the people in white coats have little to know understanding of the magnificent ingredients of the holy human loaf, and what is worse– they would scorn a viewpoint that places value on the whole system of our selves. I’m sure many of us has experienced this.
Most people are blindly walking around like sheep, trusting these “authorities” and accepting labels pasted on them. Myself, I’m predisposed to distrust most doctors, so I admit to some bias there. I’m a member of a wonderful support group for Donor Egg recipients, where not everyone is over 40:) Many women are in their 20’s, pursuing DE IVF and speaking of themselves as ‘infertile’, and it’s heartbreaking. (Yes I know some people have had chemo or other issues). I have posted Julia’s website a couple of times here, hoping it will land for some.
In other healing modalities (Eastern medicine, Ayurveda) the whole system is appreciated and considered, although of course even in those systems labeling exists, and there is always a deeper layer to explore. But at least in those systems, true healing always demands some kind of deep inner work. Someone who is missing their period at age 28 for 2 years isn’t considered “infertile”– they are considered out of balance, but not “beyond repair”. When I hear about people giving into the patriarchal medical system at such a young age, I feel really sad. Although I do recognize that there are exceptions.
I believe we are all here to bring voice to these broken systems. Even the way that people talk about adoption or third-party reproduction…I feel called to bring light to these old ways of thinking. Recently someone said to me, “well I guess if worse comes to worse, you could always adopt!!” and I’m like what’s worse about it????!!! I would LOVE to adopt; I feel inspired and excited to adopt if that is the way that grace is leading me. People are in ruts with their thinking, and this work is all about digging through the ruts but creating new paths previously unimagined. I want to be a leader, not a sheep.
Thank you for the visionary who posted about her daughter conceived via DE, as I am just embarking on the journey!
Thank you Julia, and everyone in this amazing community.
Another amazing GMT friendly visionary call this eve, I do love to hear you guys on the call and the honesty and truths that are revealed especially from Julia, thank you so much, it’s such a great example to us and I so appreciate the courage you show. The dream reading (and how to do that) about the maternity leave clarified things for me with regard to a dream I’d written down a few days ago. I re-examined it and although one element still eludes my understanding (a friend asking me why I always have to act like a man) the rest of it seems to be about taking the victim position. And as o wrote immediately after documenting the dream “this fits in with the aim of this series for me egg hunt is to stop taking this position”. So my revised aim for the visionary series is not as I commented below but instead “to step fully into truth completely unaffected by family or others opinions of me and my decisions’”. It seems important to document this as we move towards the 3rd call and half way through.
Thank you so much to this community for trying, as I am, to move in truth. As you say Julia, the world seems to be spinning in chaos and it’s amazing to have found a pocket of truth seekers led by this incrediblle practice. sending love to Gravid Sans Doute – I hear you on not spending time figuring out issues! And love to all xx
Dear Fertile Heart Community,
I have often resisted the term, “infertility” and responded, ” I don’t have infertility… I have different timing”. This post was very affirming to me. I also loved the part that stated, “Some part of you has issued an invitation to a healing quest” . I feel as though I am living this. I slept so well last night and had a dream that I was frantically packing for a trip and realizing I was overpacking and putting things in my suitcase that didn’t belong to me. I even realized that in my pile of luggage I had a bag full of bags, a pair of mens dress shoes, and a stranger’s toiletry bag. Wow. Am I packing messages about infertility that don’t belong to me? No wonder I have felt so tired! Later in the dream I was hurrying back to a condo where I was staying with my husband, our daughter, and my parents. I was heading back because there was a very large bag of water sitting by the front door to the condo. I had to check to make sure it still had air bubbles in it. When I got there I saw that it still had a few air bubbles. In the dream I wasn’t suprised to see the bubbles..I had known they would be there – and at the same time I felt reassured. This work is powerful and I am grateful to be doing it with all of you fertile mamas. Thank you for your leadership and teaching, Julia!
Dear Fertile Mamas,
Wonderful to hear from you purpleparrot and hear about your journey. There is so much insight there and compassion for everyone’s situation, including your child.
Infertility is not a kind word. Thank you, Julia, for taking a different approach. Infertility is a way of pulling away from ourselves as miraculous humans and reducing ourselves to body parts. Thank you so much for your work, Julia, about really living life.
I have been working with the imagery from the dream on the phone call – the part about the healing belly, and Rock the Baby body truth. After doing the visualization, I have been
giving myself time to be open to the voice of the Ultimate Mom. Sometimes there has been silence, but what I have heard so far is don’t spend all your time now dreading things in the future, spend more time in your body and less time trying to figure out your own and everyone else’s issues, trust God more, my body can heal itself if I’m as kind to it as possible and step out of the way.
Blessings to all.
I couldn’t agree more. The escalation of cases where IVF is the first line of ‘attack’ when someone is struggling to birth their family is quite shocking. I’ve met many new mums for whom that was the case, and they’ve gone on to conceive number 2 with no problem at all. For me, I do feel that if I had found your work earlier I would have birthed my family naturally. I had been trying for 15 years and did 5 IVF with no understanding whatsoever of what my real issues were. On starting the practice, everything changed and my little girl was born a year later through donor IVF. I have grown so much through the practice and I couldn’t be happier with my daughter, now nearly 3, but of course donor children do have to live with that genetic issue so I”m very aware of her journey going forward now and how to help her with making sense of her personal situation. If the practice can help people to avoid this, rather than simply pursuing it as an easy solution, so much the better. Obviously it is good for some, but it seems to have got out of hand in our so called modern world.
I’ve been on the GMT visionary call for some months now, what an amazing circle it is! After your proposition that we consider ‘what would be the most life enhancing aim for this series of 5 calls’ I’ve been really thinking about that. And for me, the most life enhancing aim over the coming weeks is to be kinder to myself, more patient with those close to me and to find out what I really stand for in this life of mine. Right now, the visionary waiting to be born is the PurpleParrot who remains peaceful and grounded throughout her journey.
Grateful thanks as always to you Julia, and to the GMT visionary group of gorgeous fertile Mums and Dads xxx