Where oh, where will our true guidance come from?
With a deluge of information coming at each of us, Who can we trust to guide us? After 2 failed IVF’s, 6 cycles of Clomid and more IUI’s than we can count, is the fertility doctor that says he’ll never give up on us someone whose advice we should follow?
My sister just read this great article by a fertility specialist on a new ovulation kit, I don’t like to use one but maybe I should?
My fertility doctor says I should be taking prenatals, but this book I was reading says prenatals are for pregnant women…”
These are among the many questions I hear from the women and couples in my workshops.
The Fertile Heart™ OVUM work – an original birthing practice I developed in the last decade and a half – is about cultivating what I call an Inner Fertility Authority, a trustworthy inner voice we can count on, when the cacophony of other people’s opinions – be they fertility doctors, acupuncturists, therapists or mother-in laws — becomes paralyzing. How do we do that? Or do we have to do anything? Can’t we just rely on our intuition?
For me, part of the process is to allow for the possibility that the voice of Inner Knowing, the one we can trust, is competing with countless other voices within us.
In the language of the Fertile Heart™ OVUM work, we call those frightened, confused inner voices in our own hearts — the aspects of our nature that stop us from moving forward — the Orphans. We all have them. I’m pretty sure his Holiness, the Dalai Lama has a few Orphans he wrestles with every once in a while. I’m remembering how shocked some of my friends were to hear that Mother Theresa had bouts of depression. She was a humanoid.
And as long as we’re in the human form our Orphans are part of us.
The good news is that they provide us with the best possible preparation for parenting. They also provide us for the best preparation for becoming fully human. The Dalai Lama and Mother Theresa are who they are because of, not in spite of, their Orphans.
But those fragile, abandoned aspects of our nature become a source of strength only if we’re willing to stop and give them the love and attention they’re looking for when they begin to come out of hiding.
A lovely young mom, hoping to use the Fertile Heart™ tools to help her conceive a second child emailed me from Scotland to arrange for a private class. We scheduled the session three weeks in advance, and in her note she let me know she was taking a day off from work for our talk.
I walked into my office a few minutes before the scheduled time and there were several messages from Maggie (not her real name) on the voice mail. She called first at 5:30 in the morning. And then left several other messages throughout the next few hours. Her voice was not neutral.
At 10:30 there was no call.
After an email or two and a productive phone session this episode morphed into a huge eye opener for Maggie. To have an idea that some part of you is conflicted about having a baby is one thing, to actually see that part of you in action — is quite another.
The idea that part of Maggie – for reasons that were a mystery to her — didn’t want to walk toward her child as eagerly as she thought she did, was now much more real. And hopefully, she can now engage with that part of her, and get to understand what that inner Orphan is trying to say. Her next step can then be guided by a stronger, more aware part of her.
I used to think that after twenty some years of therapy things will be smooth sailing all the way. No more conflicts, no more self-destructive behavior.
Not quite the way things seemed to be playing out. Which is why I’m monumentally grateful to have something solid to work with. That’s what the Fertile Heart OVUM tools are for me. A safe zone. A place I can enter when I need a little help doing the human gig.
I’d love to hear what comes up for your as you read this and hope to connect with you on the Fertile Heart Fertility Support Teleconference next Monday