Infertility Sucks: 3 Most Common Mistakes that Can Keep You from Getting Pregnant
“I knew it wasn’t the right thing for me to do. I knew it and I did it anyway. That’s what bugs me most of all!”
When things don’t go our way, it’s easy to start berating ourselves.
But the truth is that on the Fertile Heart Road of Baby Making there are no mistakes.
If we can just take a breath, retrace our steps and understand what it was that derailed us from following our own truth, then that “mistake” we’ve been guilt-tripping ourselves about, becomes a turning point in our journey.
“The truth is that on the Fertile Heart Road of Baby Making there are no mistakes.”
Unless of course, we keep making the same “mistake” over and over and over again.
But that’s not going to happen to you. Not if you take a look at these 3 mistakes I watched myself make after my own diagnosis and watched so many of my clients make over the years.
1) The first mistake many of us make is that we receive the meaning of the diagnosis and the prognosis as a fact. A fact written in stone which often sends us into a tailspin of panic.
The meaning of the diagnosis is not a fact.
It’s someone’s opinion based on certain facts, usually a number on a lab report or statistic based on studies.
In medical jargon we speak about getting a 2nd opinion. The opinion of every expert is influenced by that expert’s particular experience and training
In my case the diagnosis of elevated FSH, according to the experts meant that I had a zero chance of conceiving a biological child
The beautiful moms, like Heather who shared her story in the Heather’s Gift ebook, or Nadine, featured in the Fertility Success Stories videos and Nina (that picture is Nina with her newborn baby girl) who all had recurrent miscarriages were told that full term pregnancy for them was statistically unlikely.
It turns out that not only did all of us go through full term pregnancies, we all conceived our babies without medical intervention.
The three moms in that picture below? Same story. Each one gave birth to a statistically unlikely baby conceived the old fashioned way.
So remember, the meaning of your diagnosis is not a fact. It’s someone’s opinion based on certain facts.
2) The second most common mistake we often make, is to expect our fertility doctor, our acupuncturist, our yoga teacher or life coach or any one else, to figure it out for us.
Having a support team whether mainstream or holistic, or both, can be great. But what often happens is that the minute we feel we’ve come upon an expert we can trust, some part of says,
“Phew, oh, good, I can now just sit back and hand over the reins to the expert. They know better, they will tell me what my next step should be.”
If we do that, if we abdicate all responsibility to outside experts, we will not hear the expert within each of us that keeps guiding us 24/7.
3) And maybe the worst of all mistakes is to seek support from people and groups that feed into your feeling of being helpless victims.
Not long ago, one of my clients attended a support group with a leader who was planning her 12th fertility treatment and the talk in the group revolved around comparing treatment protocols and bemoaning the raw deal of this challenge.
True, infertility sucks, and you absolutely want people around you who can understand your pain.
The frustration and grief on this scenic road to our babies is real. You want to be able to share your feelings in a safe space in which everyone can relate to what you’re going through. But you want to make sure that you don’t get stuck in the sucky victim place. You want to make sure you choose helpers who can guide you out of that bitter dead end street.
You want to choose supporters who can offer you the tools and provisions for the road of Hope, supporters who’ll say, tough as this is, we know you can turn it around and give birth to the amazing family and gorgeous life you long to live.
Every idea and every single tool in the The Fertile Heart OVUM Toolkit – every exchange in our Fertility Support Teleconferences and in person workshops, is about –
-making sure you gain the courage to look at a diagnosis and prognosis and say, Hmm, that’s not how I see things.
-making sure you don’t keep making the same mistakes over and over again;
-making sure you dare to feel, think and choose for yourself and keep crossing over from the sucky side of the Infertility Street, to the sunny side of the Unimaginably Fertile Avenue of Possibility.
Julia Indichova is the author of The Fertile Female: How the Power of Longing for a Child Can Save Your Life and Change the World & Inconceivable: A Woman’t Triumph over Despair & Statistics. The Fertile Heart™ OVUM Practice is an original fertility enhancing program that emerged through a decade and a half of counseling. Julia Indichova’s work has been endorsed by leading reproductive endocrinologists and her story and program was featured on the Oprah Winfrey Show, Good Morning America, Oxygen, Discovery Health, Huffington Post, and other outlets. Julia’s profile is featured in the 9 People to Watch This Year (2016) Cover Story of the Hudson Valley Magazine. After 9/11 Julia initiated The 9// Bowing Project focused on applying the tools of her fertility program to the peace efforts.