Believe in yourself and all will be well. Is that true? Is that really all it takes?
What about the days of doubt?
What about the mornings when we wake up greeted by the doubting, hopeless self?
Our little girl was born nearly 9 years after we started to try. I just turned 43 a few weeks after giving birth…Thank you so much Julia for your life changing work which I discovered around 3 years ago when I first joined the European circle. The OVUM work took commitment, but I discovered that consistency in showing up was really important to me and after each call I felt motivated and inspired to keep going…
What then?
The doubter is the questioner in the classroom. She is the inquiring pupil who offers the teacher a chance to clarify the lesson over and over again.
It’s the inquiring mind and the doubting heart that finds fulfillment. As long as it’s a heart that doesn’t let go of the longing in spite of the doubt.
No, we do not need to believe in ourselves.
What we must believe in, is our capacity to follow the longing to its true source. What we must believe in is the purity of the ultimate human desire.
On days when we wake up doubting, our chosen growth promoting practice—our wish to know ourselves, fueled by the power of desire, our wish to understand ourselves and our longings a tad more today than we did yesterday—can carry us across the bridge of doubt.
On Tuesday we might believe, on Wednesday we might doubt. Which means that on Wednesday we’ll have to make more careful choices in response to the doubter in us.
We may even have to fake it till we make it.
We may have to simply act as if we believed. As if we passionately, unconditionally believed in the possibility of meeting our true desire halfway. Then we get to watch the current of creation take care of the rest.
How do you greet the doubter in you? 
Taking this journey is so amazing. We took it and at times it seemed utterly hopeless and it was a long journey but it did work! I have not looked at this site in a good while and I think those that were on at that time may have moved on. I changed from taking this journey – it is as Julia has said so many times such a teacher and an angel. The other day I was talking to my husband about when I realized I didn’t know what “faith” was and I set out to learn starting with the definition in the dictionary. And then onto a number of books. Faith or for me believing in something you can’t see became a good home for me. I learned how to pray and how to believe with my whole heart. Stay in contact with your self – the one deep down – she knows.
Here’s what I’m struggling with regarding this topic….HOW do we quiet the doubting orphan when it seems she’s right? For example, I will do all of these fertility friendly things/life-affirming things, from green smoothies to TCM to yoga to whatever. And yet, when I still don’t get pregnant, I start to wonder how on earth it will EVER happen despite me doing all of these actions. It seems to FEED my doubt orphan. So how do we handle this when we are face-to-face with this problem? How do we still silence the doubt when it seems that reality and facts are proving the doubter right? How do we have hope in light of things that add up to hopelessness? (Ah crap, am I toeing the line of faith again? ha ha ha My life’s reoccurring theme.) Hugs to all of you on this autumn Sunday. Wish it felt more like fall in my neck of the woods, but I’ll take anything less than 95 degrees with a smile.
I feel like I am on a seesaw between doubt and hope. The call two weeks ago really helped my visionary look at where I am and ultimately how I have been viewing things. I see the doubt some days front and center and what works for me is to check myself and really think where is the doubt coming from. The jealous orphan, the sad orphan, the lost orphan these are all places where doubt is also located! Lately I really search for the joy I have today because the doubt I feel robs me of the present!
Awesome blog as always my Friend ;)
Dear MumbaiMom, ButterfyFaith, heanrtsease, Chopin, Braveheart, and Frida,
(This is Robin)
Thank you so much for being here!
MumbaiMom – Good luck getting Julia’s book. I’m sorry it is such a struggle, but how precious it will be when it arrives.
ButterflyFaith – Good luck focusing on the Fertile Heart path adn always wonderful to hear from you.
heartsease – Good luck in making choices. Good point!
Chopin – Wonderful news about your husband.
Braveheart – Wonderful fro succeeding in commenting
Frida – Great for doing Mosaic of Revelation.
I have been doing part of Riding the Current of Creation and the imagery from one of the teleconferences about knowing without a shadow of a doubt. I have also been remembering through doubting times about finding out about myself. My daughter is having some challenging times and I’ve decided that I need to take care of me in order to be there for her – some kind of balance there. My husband doesn’t have any definite work lined up after today – lots of maybes, so I have a lot of orphans related to that. I guess we’ll just have to see what happens and come up with a plan.
Blessings.
You are always so strong and so dedicated, even in the face of doubt and fear. You are inspiring! Hugs to you, my friend.
I ordered my copy of the book from Amazon 25 days ago and was eagerly waiting for it to reach me. Checking for the delivery status everyday :D I was to get it today but something went wrong at customs clearance here in India and now I’m told my order is cancelled :( I woke up because I got my period and then I read this email about the book not being delivered. I was very disappointed and felt really alone and sad. For a few seconds I started to wonder what’s happening…why does even getting my hands on the book have to become a struggle now? But then I stopped myself from reading too much into every little thing that is connected to me getting pregnant. I just placed an order again and now waiting again :)
Just checking in with everyone here. I got wrapped up in this natural fertility seminar online, and while it did touch on a lot of the same principles we have here (and that resonate with me), I found myself FULL of doubt because some of the “minor issues” affecting fertility are overwhelming. How on earth can I get these diagnosed and treated? Do I even have them? Am I doing enough to get pregnant? What if I’m not? What if I have gene mutations? What if I need to be taking different/more supplements? DOUBT. So I’m trying to get recentered. Add to that constant doubts of my age, and I too often lose my battle with the doubt demon. So I turn back to basics. Hugs to you all as we start a new week.
And so what I figured out today is this: No more “extras.” I’m going to ONLY focus on FH and not feed my panic orphan by subscribing to every and all fertility webinars/newsletters/blogs/etc. I need to just calm the hell down and go where I need to go, which is deeper into my FH practice. I KNOW this, and yet I find myself getting all crazed and panicky, jumping from one expert to another trying to find some magic bullet. And all the while, my UM is telling me this is a mistake, and yet I don’t listen. Now WHY is that? Do you guys ever just step back, take a look at yourself and ask “What the hell am I doing?” Once again, proof I live in Orphanland and let Panic Patty run the show.
Aww Panic Patty… She made me smile :) Please give her a hug from me…
I’m gonna start naming my Os too now. Maybe my Panic Petra (surname = Fyed) can come over and ask your Patty out to play in the park sometime? That should keep them busy for a bit while we get on with some FH practice?
Ha ha! Love it! I know some distractions can help these anxiety orphans stay busy so we can get a break. Let’s run them like crazy at the park so they get exhausted and take a nap.
Right now I’m struggling to know how to differentiate between doubt and realism. With early(ish) menopausal symptoms for the past 2.5 years, and without a partner who shares my longing for a child, I wonder whether it’s doubt that I feel, or a wiser voice that’s telling me to change course, but one that I don’t want to hear. It’s hard to know what direction to take, when the one I want to take feels so impossible, and there doesn’t seem to be another path except ones that lead away from what I long for.
It feels good to hear of other women sticking to their paths, even though they doubt it’s possible. It seems to me that having a clear path, and clarity in our longing, makes the difference between faking it to make it, and denial.
I guess I greet doubt with very little sense of empowerment, and it very easily turns into inertia, rather than an inquiry into my path. I like Julia’s challenge to “make more careful choices in response to the doubter in us” which means actually make choices rather than stay stuck in some kind of a stand off…
So here’s to getting clarity on what my choices are, and to shining the light of doubt on them to get even more clarity, and hopefully then more faith in the steps I then take. I once heard someone say that the opposite of faith isn’t doubt, it is certainty. And certainty isn’t something any of us on this path have, although at some times we can have surer footing, and doubt can nudge onto – as well as off – our path…
I’m right there with you, heartease. I struggle with my doubt because I can’t often tell if it’s me being realistic, or me being pessimistic. My negative orphans are very loud and they always tell me it’s the former. But I try really hard to line up the facts and not just the fears, and sometimes that can calm me down and remind me where I’m coming from. I do get worn out from the constant struggle to do that, though.
Thanks for your reply ButterflyFaith, it helped me feel a part of this community i have recently found my way to. yes it’s hard work isn’t it, to be attentive to the variety of voices within us? I hope you get some time to rest and restore over this coming weekend.
I’m pondering what the difference is between following your longing and being attached to a particular outcome. For example, i’m longing for a child and am doing what I can to conceive naturally (despite high FSH, low oestrogen, hot flushes etc and with all the doubts I have around this.) Right now, other options don’t feel possible (eg I need to be in better nutritional health for IVF). However is this clinging to a particular outcome (pregnancy) or following my longing?
I also need to rest. I can really feel myself straining and struggling, and everything I do or don’t do seems to carry so much weight when the stakes feel so high.
Good points. Julia always points out that through this practice the next natural step will reveal itself for us, and we just need to be open to hear where the UM is pointing us to go. I too am wondering if I’m so hooked on ONE definition of success I will miss the other paths to my dreams. I don’t know how I feel anymore about donor egg or adoption, but I do know I am not 100% against them as I was a few years ago. That’s a good point to bring up in our next phone circle: How do we know when to move on? I struggle mightily with letting go of the outcome and focusing on the actions of the moment. HUGE struggle. Know you’re not alone in your feelings or questions, H. You are in good company. :-)
And I’m glad my post made you feel a bit better. We are a strong sisterhood of mamas, all supporting one another.
Dear Julia, dear all,
thank you for talking about our capacity to follow our desire, I have good news to share in that respect. When my husband had no sperm a year ago after chemotherapy, I was on our circle call saying out loud I believe his sperm will recover. I had no idea if it was possible, the oncologist was very skeptical. Now we are happy to announce that Nick has sperm and they are good quality, just not a big amount. The doctor told me with this amount natural conception is almost impossible, unless it was a miracle. I said, isn’t the fact that his sperm recovered a miracle already? He said, yes, it is. Here is to miracles!
I love you Julia, thanks for pushing me to articulate my desire out loud back in January.
Eva
Dear Julia and visionary mamas,
I am very very happy to share with you the great news: I’ve just managed to write a message on the blog! I’m Maria from the European Circle and will appear from now on as “Braveheart”. I’ve been reading your interesting comments to all posts and tried a couple of times to write something with no result. Today, I won my orphans (that held me back from trying again and again) and tried a different browser. It works! I’m excited that I’ll be sitting on the ‘love bench’ exchanging experiences with you.
Moving on to the question of the post: “How do you greet the doubter in you?”, I’d say by keep postponing to do things and taking action; by thinking too much and analysing things rather than acting, and; by probably experiencing fear of doing and acting.
Thank you for reading my comment and best wishes to all of you, ‘fertile family’.
xxx
Welcome to the blog! I’m a writer by nature and trade, so this is my natural medium of communication. But I honor and recognize everyone who doesn’t walk this path, and for whom doing so is a huge risk. So good for you! Keep writing! You may actually find it really healing (and for me, it shuts my orphans up when they need a time out. ha ha).
Dear Maria,
welcome to the blog, I can see how posting here is a big step forward, it was for me. I find that writing here is about privacy and how much to share and how much to say is an orphan for me. I really like what you said about reacting to our doubts with postponing action and analyzing. I have to say that I missed last call because of disorganization and traveling at the time of the call, and missed our love bench very much. Later I realized that I wanted to articulate my desire to be a mother on the bench, and so I promptly missed the call. I will try to articulate it today instead.
Trying to love myself in my orphans,
E
Hi everyone,
Today, my doubter is very strong and is combined with the AYFKM attitude. I got my period 7 days earlier, last month was 20 days late, even my numbers are not so bad (my FSH is 15). I’m struggling with an other orphan who is whispering in my ear that I should give up for imagery because it”s not helping me or I’m doing it wrong. I’m also doubting if I will ever recognize the real source of my longing. I’m doing “Mosaic of Revelation”, to heal some images from the past and show to my doubting orphans my reality, to fake it till we make it.
Some success stories about women age 45 would be great, maybe beautiful mamas, you could share some with me.
Thank you Julia for this post.
Dear Julia, rfoto, RaeSF, Moving forward, ButterflyFaith, HeartWideOpen, gutsymama, MiraculousLife and Mama J,
Thank you so much everyone for being here.
Julia – fantastic article – I loved the “wish to understand ourselves can carry us across a bridge of doubt.” That is very helpful!!
rfoto – Good luck faking it till you make it!
RueSF – Best of luck greeting doubt.
Moving forward – Great for listening to the ache.
ButterflyFaith – Wonderful to hear from you. Great for asking concrete about fake it till you make it.
HeartWideOpen – Wonderful for seeing the scary as an opportunity for progress.
gutsymama – Wonderful for sharing.
MiraculousLife – Wonderful imagery for doubt!
Mama J – Best of luck working with doubt.
I have been doing some of Riding the Current of Creation Body Truth and imagery from the previous teleconference about knowing without a shadow of a doubt.
There have been at least 2 helpful things recently. I just attended a meeting where people shared possible services that my daughter might qualify for . That seemed like a big weight off me. I don’t know what the future is bringing there, but it is so wonderful to know there are so many awesome people and groups that could possibly help. Another wonderful thing is when I mentioned to my husband about the quality of our interactions he was amazing and so supportive. I am so grateful and look forward to better things in this area!
Blessings to all
Thank you Julia. I think I cannot be reminded too often that I can act in my best interests, no matter the fluctuations of my belief.
Xxx
Just checking in, because the doubter in me is running the show. I made the mistake of signing up for some natural fertility webinar online and while the info is helpful (some of it, at least), I find myself totally stressed out and full of doubt. It seems most everyone there is like 30 with an AMH of 5, so no matter how long they’ve tried so far, I can’t help but think they will get their happy endings because they have age on their side. I went deeper into the pool (because hey, I was already wet, so why not jump in?) and read the comments, and one basically said “If you are 45, it’s unlikely you will get pregnant, but anything is possible. You need to see if it’s realistic and viable for you to attempt a pregnancy at this age.” WTF? I’m not yet 45, but close enough, so the comment stung. Doubting Debbie settled in nice and cozy tonight. She is so big, so domineering, so damn loud, I can’t see around her and her you-are-too-damn-old-and-in-denial mantra. So do I have any mojo left in me to fake it until I make it? Doubting Debbie says no, because I’ll then be faking it until I’m 60 and menopause is long in my past. Oooh, Debbie is such a b**ch! What I need now are practical steps on how to fake this until I make it. I’m not so good at that.
Julia,
Its as if you know what I’m struggling with! I start off positive and in full belief of myself and then all at once all the orphans show up and I’m completely off my path. Its so hard sometimes to get back on, especially when you hear such negative news or when you really thought you could be pregnant and then you get your period. I guess “fake it until you make it” may be the way to go…lol. I will definitely keep that one in mind. Thank you Julia!!!!!!!!!!!
When I read the words “How do you greet the doubter in you?” I had a reaction to the word ‘greet’ as it sounds like ‘the doubter’ shows up and I ‘greet’ her like I would a friend. And, I realized that I never ‘greet’ doubt. I try to use my mind to explain to her why she should go away or let her stay and my mind gets entangled in her will. I’m going to try to ‘greet’ her some time, when I remember, and observe that interaction.
This is a beautiful post which addresses the inevitable feelings of doubt whilst encouraging feelings of hope. This is a challenge. Some days I ask myself ‘ am I fooling myself?’, ‘ is the heartbreak inevitable?’. When these questions emerge I let the sadness run through me and then I let it go. Julia’s work has taught me that it is ok to doubt, feel sad, to listen to the ache. Her work has taught me that I must turn these feelings into something powerful that is life giving and productive.
From here on in I will remember that my desire, my curiosity, my daily choices will all help ‘ carry me across the bridge of doubt’. Digging deeper, stretching myself further and listening to what really matters to me will all help to reach my longed for goal.
Thank you so much Julia for your deeply moving post that has struck a chord with me. Your wisdom is so inspiring and reaches so far into my soul, it is incredible.
You reading my journal again, Julia? ha ha ha. Seriously, this is what I struggle with all the time. In fact, doubt isn’t even a word I recognize anymore. Doubt has become my normal way of thinking. I doubt everything. And I really doubt I will get pregnant again. And the orphans chime in: why would you? You look at how old you are? Well, that period was lighter. Knock knock knock….menopause calling!” I would love to know concrete ways HOW to fake it. I think I get it, but then the orphans chime in too quickly and I’m lost. I am getting really tired of being bullied by them, though. I know they just want love and attention, but there are days I want to give them some tough love and lock them in their rooms for a while.
Thanks for this blog Julia.
One thing I’ve learnt from recent fertility treatment experience is the need to take calculated risks sometimes, in order to honor longings in the heart. It’s scary, and can provoke orphans to come out more, but without this experience I wouldn’t have realized quite the extent of their suffering.
Perhaps rather than the words I used in my last post- re faith in myself- I think it’s a sense of trust that’s more meaningful to me.
And I’ve certainly noticed how widely feelings of confidence can vary from one day to the next. As you say Julia sometimes it’s necessary to fake it till we make it if we’re truly following our path, rather than waiting to feel ‘ready’ which can be such a transient feeling.
Best wishes to everyone xx
thanks, your post really speaks to me, and has helped clarify some things about taking risks, trust, confidence and feeling ready x
I’m so glad to hear that heartsease, all the best xx
I needed this today. I also love the fake it till you make it. I read in a book just this morning that author Marianne WIlliamson said: it is easier to act your way into a new way of thinking than it is to think your way into a new way of acting. But I am guessing all the while letting our orphans speak? I am working working working on that.
What a timely post Julia ! It really hit the spot for me.
Having doubts and fears became almost part and parcel of my life. It sounds so simple to say “Believe in yourself” but this has been the toughest part of the practice. Thankfully I wouldn’t say I mastered it, but all the work I did from last few months on letting go and bowing to WHAT IS and building on faith has really opened up many avenues.
The Sacred Choices imagery has been my mantra for quite sometime now. Whenever I get into doubts and fears and it starts harassing me, I try to do this simple yet most powerful imagery to get guidance from UM.
Even though my doubt and fear orphan poses umpteen number of questions/concerns, my UM and V try to reflect upon the truth that sometimes there are no answers, things are not under my control, how much ever I would love to control them. Then why burn my energy going the route of doubt. Blind faith and bowing to what is: is what is the answer is most of the times. When I see myself walking down that path, it really makes me feel better to know and acknowledge that I am doing my best and taking baby steps on the trail of faith even though I don’t know what shows up at the turning.
This is very timely, Julia. Doubting is something that I have been struggling with a great deal lately. I have long periods of doubt interspersed with what seem to be rather brief moments of clarity. I love the teaching analogy where you say that the doubter offers the teacher an opportunity to clarify the lesson (over and over again…). We teach to learn – so powerful!
Thank you for this inspiration!
:-)