Infertility During Holidays: From Silent Hell to a Haven of Compassion

By on November 28, 2017

Last night I received an email with a link to a Huffington Post piece titled: The Silent Hell of Infertility During Holidays. This is my response to that piece.

Yes, it can be heartbreaking to walk into another holiday gathering filled with other people’s children. Yes, we must honor our grief and mourn the children we feel should be in our arms right now. Or the babies we lost in miscarriages, or the years of repeated failed treatments. Yes! we must allow the injured voices of jealousy and anger to speak their peace and be heard.

But NO! I say no to feeding the dragon of despair, and exploiting our fears of childlessness. It’s up to us to turn the SILENT HELL of Infertility into a HAVEN OF COMPASSION and HOPE and POSSIBILITY. It starts with us, With shedding the shame, becoming just a little braver each day.

No, none of us would choose “infertility,” or as I like to call it, the “scenic road to parenthood.” But we CAN and MUST turn it around. We must keep going until this longing for a child becomes the most powerful healing force in our lives. No matter what!

Otherwise we might end up bitter and broke and filled with regret years after our children have graduated college. And that’s simply not an acceptable outcome. Is it?

That Huffinton Post piece has inspired me to call for a different kind of Fertile Heart Miracle Challenge this year.  Shed the shame and break the silence with just one person. Take a chance.  See what happens. And tell us about it.

If you’re feeling generous, the 20th Anniversary Edition of Inconceivable was just released by Harmony Books.  I would love to say thank you to my publisher and let them know how much that book is still relevant and needed; how it can support people from moving from a Silent Hell toward a Haven of Compassion and Healing. So if there is someone who might appreciate knowing about it–your acupuncturist, your RE, your mother-in-law who needs to be inspired to take better care of herself–would you break the silence, send them a link. Or a book?

And here is another miracle challenge I decided to add after an inspiring call with the amazing parents in our Intro Series last night:

Each day in the coming week or for as long as you wish to take on this challenge, post a comment about one delicious, compassionate Visionary rooted action you have taken to transform this journey into a Haven of Compassion and Self-discovery and Healing.  

Happy Holidays, I’m hugely grateful for your presence in our community!


#ShedtheShame  #HavenofCompassion


4 Responses to “Infertility During Holidays: From Silent Hell to a Haven of Compassion”

  1. Gravid Sans Doute says:

    Dear Fertile Mamas,

    One thing that sometimes helps me is to keep in mind those less fortunate, those who have not found a life partner, those who feel stuck in abusive relationships, those who live in countries with scary governments. It helps me to gain a perspective on this journey. Doing something to cheer others can be helpful as well, even if it is only just giving someone who needs it a few more minutes of your conversational attention. Maybe if the situation involves being with family where many have had children easily it might be possible to think inwardly, these moments I’m jealous of these people having with their children, which of these moments, experiences could I have regardless of how a child comes into my life? Also, maybe this is a time to share with one’s significant other what brings them joy, and reflect ourselves and then bless ourselves with something special or a special activity that we like.

    I admire a co-worker I have who has a dog. When she speaks about what the dog might be thinking about her she refers to herself as mom (to the dog). She is very kind and friendly, she enjoys her friends and so far has made an enjoyable, satisfying life with her dog and her friends. She doesn’t seem to be all about – Oh, I have to have a man to be happy or I have to have a child to be happy. She is just enjoying her life as it comes and planning times that bring her joy and make sense to her.

    I have been doing letting my body move the way it wants to body truth and confidence walking for my job as well as 9 Hearts Fertile Heart imagery.

    Blessings to all.

  2. OneMoreMiracle says:

    I love, love this challenge and I am taking one delicious V action tonight. Going out with hubby and having a big juicy burger for the first time in three years and I can’t wait!!! Thank you Julia for clearing up the whole crazy fertility diet thing. I’m done with deprivation, it doesn’t work for me.

  3. WithGrattitude says:

    Happy Holidays Julia and to the Fertile Heart community!

    I am literally the last woman in one of my friend groups who has not had a child who has longed for one. I looked around the table at our last brunch a few weeks ago and confirmed. I was the only one in the conversation who did not have anything to contribute on the subjects of going into labor, or what age my child started speaking or potty training. It was a hard day. My dear friend who was alongside me on the fertility journey for a while, just gave birth to her daughter (Julia!) 3 days ago.

    Last week on my wonderful vacation on the other side of the world, I found myself sitting in a group of women a bit younger than me, some of whom are just starting their own fertility journeys. And I found myself opening up about mine to women who were mostly virtual strangers to me. There is a time I would have kept this information to myself as a closely guarded secret. I am now finding that it feels good to talk – to let go of the shame, the hurt and despair. It helps me heal, and if it helps even one of them on their journey then it will have been entirely worth it.

    Congratulations on the new edition of Inconceivable! I will be sure to recommend it to anyone I feel would benefit.

  4. Mariamom says:

    I remember the shame and I also remember how you encouraged me, Julia, to find one person, just one person other than my husband to open up to about what I was going through. It was a kind of a breakthrough for me. It was definitely the first big step toward letting go of the shame. This blog makes me think about what it is that I’m ashamed of these days, now that I have my miracles and life is generally really good. I know there are things that would be healing for me to share with one of my friends.

    Congratulations on the new edition, I already bought two copies for my new chiropractor and my gyn. I have to say everybody I gave the book to over the years really loved it. It’s such an inspiring timeless story.

    Happy Holiday to the Fertile Heart sisterhood!!!!

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