“I have unexplained fertility,” said Mindy (not her real name) in answer to my question about her diagnosis, during a private consultation. She, of course, meant to say, unexplained infertility, but instead, without being aware of it, she offered a a far more accurate diagnoses that the assessment printed in her chart.
She also spoke a truth which is one of several core ideas of the Fertile Heart philosophy: when it comes to something as fluid, multilayered and dynamic as the human organism, explanations will not necessarily lead us any closer to a child in our arms.
After I repeated Mindy’s statement for her later in the call, she responded with a long belly laugh. That Freudian slip was a remedy mixed in a reliable lab of her own deepest truth and her body recognized it as such.
As far as I can tell, after all these years of working in this mysterious field of human reproduction, we are, every one of us, unexplainably fertile.
Thinking for ourselves, understading why we do what we do, learning about how our bodies function—all of that can be eminently useful.
But when it comes to conceiving life, and I mean life in any form—an original idea or insight or a baby, our job is to keep creating a more and more conception-friendly inner and outer space. Our job is to keep discovering how unexplainably fertile we are. Then bow to, and trust, the Mystery that made Mindy laugh.
Any life-spark that surprised you as you keep dancing your way to the next and the next guidepost on this wild n’crazy, astonishing birthing journey?
Dear Julia and FH Visionary parents.
It was healing to be part of the Introductory series. Today I decided to finally open the new 20th Anniversary edition of Inconceivable. I have read the Inconceivable multiple times but not the new edition. I jumped directly to the Afterword. The Afterword is quite remarkable. The stories that Julia picked offer so many different ways of motherhood and all mothers gave their all to their practice. It is quite inspiring.
Thank you for all that you do, Julia.
Looking forward to connecting on Wednesday.
Love and healing to all.
xxxx
Dear WithGratitude and Bel,
Thank you for reminding me to enjoy the moment and bow to what is.
My orphans are challenging me to mother myself through some challenging times.
Blessings to you.
I had a wonderful walk along the river this afternoon in perfect, spring like weather. I am days away from an embryo transfer – my first using a donor egg. As I walked along the river I chuckled to myself when I saw no less than 5 French Bulldogs along my route. In my mind, getting a French Bulldog has been the backup plan to my not being able to have a child. “Is the universe trying to tell me something?” I thought. But I did so with a chuckle. As I reach from guidepost to guidepost on this journey, I keep remembering to try to bow to what is, and my V keeps making plans to forge ahead no matter what the outcome.
Dear Fertile Mamas,
Bel, that sounds very insightful about your waiting for a pregnancy result. I wish you the best result. If you enjoy this moment it will end badly sounds familiar -afraid to be here at this moment.
I have been working with letting my body move the way it needs to body truth and 9 hearts Fertile Heart Imagery (Imagery II). I am still working with being on my own side Work is still disturbing to me at times. I’m working with self-defeating orphans, and that is why I’m focusing on strengthening the visionary who is on my own side.
Dear Julia and Fertile Heart Visionary Mothers and Fathers.
Thank you again for reminding that we are so much more than combination of any numbers that can be captured on a piece of paper.
Good luck to you, Bel!! Your sharing of your story here brings healing to you and to those reading your comment.
I picked the “Doorway to the expert within” imagery. I have yet to pick a body truth exercise. I will probably pick an imagery next that will help me connect better with my body like the “dance of trust”.
I had a dream recently that I did not write down, but it kind of goes like this:
“My instructor is dancing gracefully and she is very supportive. There are many women dancing in front of me and all of them moving in the same graceful manner. I am just a few steps behind them and copying/learning from their movements. We are also reading a book and dancing. Later in the book, the protagonist becomes pregnant. My instructor shares this with me and we nod knowingly at each other and smile.”
Now that I wrote it down here. I realize how beautiful it is!
Perhaps this came for you – Bel.
Thank you Julia and all of you, for your continued support and guidance.
Love,
xxxxx
For me, these past few days, in the immediate aftermath of an embryo transfer, have been about meeting both strong orphans and visionaries. I’ve taken a few days off work, as my work is pretty physically active, and have been rather enjoying the expanse of free time and the invitation to take things easier. So the visionary in me is savouring the opportunity to take walks in the park, to read a novel on the sofa and watch Netflix. And the orphan is calling me up on this and saying ‘don’t you dare enjoy this, if you do it’s all going to end in tears.’ It has some fairly perverse (and deep-seated) belief that if I have a really horrible stressed out two weeks I’ll get the result I want, and if I dare to relax into it, it’ll all go wrong. But the visionary in me retorts back and says ‘You have to enjoy the moment – whatever happens in the end, this time is still a precious one for you to savour. It will not be invalidated if you don’t get the result you want the end.’ Of course, it also realises that this notion of anxiety and suffering leading to good results is b******t. I think the V is winning over this particular O at the moment – it feels scary to even write this though. Oh, and another O that is coming up is the one that says if you are not totally perfect in all you do (diet etc.) in the next 2 weeks, you don’t deserve to have your baby. Again, what a load of b******t, as most women don’t even know they are on a 2ww when they are conceiving and are probably doing all sorts of things you’re not ‘supposed’ to do and still getting positive results.