The miscarriage conversation is meant to continue…
A couple of weeks after I posted the blog about the power of miscarriages to enlarge our capacity for grieving, comes the news of Mark Zuckerberg and his wife Priscilla Chan’s pregnancy.
The lovely image of the couple celebrating their joyous news after three pregnancy losses, streams encouragement to all who endured similar heartbreak.
As I said in that last blog, miscarriages as all life’s challenges, come with a particular opportunity for healing.
The question we humans are always, always called to ask is: what shall we do with our losses? How do we channel the grief into a force for good in our own lives and the human clan?
Which road will they take?
Will this highly visible couple be another addition to the long line of celebrities who feed the beast of the infertility industrial complex? Will they too appear as keynotes on the next all-star infertility advocacy event. Will they, as so many other high profile couples before them, cement the image of infertility as the devastating disease that requires aggressive, expensive cures?
Or will Mark and Priscilla contribute to an enlarged view of miscarriages, as perhaps the most humanizing of all fertility challenges? After all a miscarriage calls on us to mourn the children we loved and lost; the children we feel should be in our arms right now.
Healing our tribe
Can we turn such loss into a life-force that will protect our bodies and hearts and the air and the earth and all children? A force that will shield the generations of born and unborn from the destructive trajectory of the $10 billion and rising baby making machine?
Whether or not we acknowledge it, if we are alive today, we are, all of us, survivors. Survivors of myriad losses and injustices within our familial lines. We are also called to claim our place as repairers.
Mark’s Jewish, and Priscilla’s Chinese tribe (I understand her father is an Asian refugee) and every other tribe inhabiting this glorious earth home is in desperate need of repairers.
In his poignant announcement of the pregnancy on his facebook page, Mark writes: “Now we’ll focus on making the world a better place for our child and the next generation.”
Living our way into questions and answers
That promise makes me cautiously optimistic.
There are causes of miscarriages that show up on our pregnancy loss blood panel, and we’re told they will be cured by Femara or Letrozol or Lovenox or the next new drug on the shelf. And there are causes that will never be discerned by double blind studies. Still, we CAN live our way into a full term pregnancy without fully understanding what it is that made it possible. Then some day, five, ten years from now we might even live our way into meaningful answers.
For me, the strength to keep living our way into answers comes from the question I keep asking myself and everyone else who has crossed my path in these last two decades of rabble rousing: what shall we do with our grief and with our joy?