Unexplained Infertility: Her Story, Your Fertility Drug
After three years of unexplained infertility another Fertile Heart Mom shares her story of hope:
Dear Visionary Mamas.
I have some very good news to share, I am pregnant!!
Here is my story, I hope you find it useful for your own wonderful and unique journeys.
Three years ago, I was diagnosed with unexplained infertility and, after more than two years of trying to get pregnant, I decided to listen to my cousin’s advice and read this book she really liked, called Inconceivable. That is when my journey really started.
I remember how empowered I felt when I finished it. I had all these tools that I could also use and that would bring me closer to having a baby. I felt there was something I could do, I could take charge. Then I read The Fertile Female for the first time. I was so moved and learned so much from it every time I read it.
What she said made so much sense. I decided to attend the workshop. The day of the workshop I had a terrible migraine. When I arrived to Julia’s studio for the workshop I told her right away how I was feeling. She was so nice. She let me rest for a bit on her sofa before the workshop started. Once the workshop started I couldn’t stop crying. I cried so much but felt so so good afterwards. Something happened. I came back the same day because the next morning I went in for my IUI. I was so positive I would get pregnant that month but I didn’t. I felt very sad and discouraged.
I was unemployed so not only I was now busy and feeling useful but also learning more about the work. I had only read the books and attended the workshop. There were still things I could do.
So I joined the Introductory Series and then the Visionary Circle,
then I joined both the North American and European circles so I was connecting once a week. I was having trouble with my husband, he didn’t support some of my choices so Julia suggested I attended the workshop with him. We went together and it was very healing for our relationship. He didn’t follow through afterwards but at least now we were on the same track.
I was doing my imagery exercises in the morning and in the evening every single day.
And a very important part of my practice I think it was when I started connecting the dots, getting involved. Matching the orphans in my dreams with my imagery exercises and my visionary actions. Julia suggests this all the time, but I didn’t start doing it until a few months after starting. Doing everything with a purpose.
I think I got it one day when Julia said, this is a practice.
I was taking it only as a kind of spiritual exercise. Doing it and hoping for something to change suddenly for me, like magic. But the only thing that had to change was my trust in my power to change my situation, to change what my life looked like. To listen to my body and my inner voice and trust them. When I look back I think the most important lesson for me was to look inside me for what I needed.
All of my life I had been searching in the wrong places.
For people to save me when I was sad, for people to love me when I felt unworthy and unlovable, for food, experiences, things to bring me joy when I was down, for people to blame for my anger or anything that happened to me. Julia’s work taught me that I could find all those things I was looking for inside me. I just needed to spend time with myself, listen, and heal. This is way easier said than done, but once you really feel it, at least once, at least for a while, you know it is possible, you know it is the only way. I still doubt I can really do it sometimes and keep looking outside for answers, but end up remembering I can always go back to myself.
The second lesson is a consequence or is related to this first one. It’s about something that has been hard for me since the beginning and it is to be compassionate. As you learn to know yourself, then to love and accept all parts of yourself, you learn to do the same for others. You learn to fully love and receive love.
The phrase used by Julia, “meeting your child halfway” makes perfect sense to me about how life really works.
You have to put in the work for everything you want but there is only so much you can do and you have to surrender to what life has to offer, because it would always be the best for you. I realized that I had the power to change my situation, to do things, but I could only do so much, my child came when he needed to come and I will always be grateful with him for giving me this time to prepare to be a better mother for him. A mother who is more in charge of her life, in contact with herself, and open to love and be loved. And I will always be thankful to Julia for her work, her support throughout this time and for allowing me to see this journey as I am able to see it now, as one of the most beautiful and rewarding experiences of my life.