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The New York Times Fertility Diary: Naivete, Blinding Desperation, or Plain Old Human Arrogance?

By on December 17, 2013

Feel, think, choose, act for yourself!  ahamoment

After 20 years of wrestling with my own and a few thousand other people’s fertility woes, those words  have  become the Fertile Heart mantra. Along with a reminder that a living organism is not a product and birth is  not the same as manufacture.

I confess that reading Amy Klein’s Fertility Diary is getting more and more painful. Yes, oh, yes, it riles up my frustrated, envious inner Orphan in such a glorious way:

“What?” the Orphan asks. “How many millions of women are reading this?”

Of course, as we FertileHearters know, every Orphan is a Visionary in the making. The deeper the wound, the greater the chance for healing. So as tough as it’s getting for me to read Amy’s entries in her fertility or rather infertility journal, I must also say, Thank you, Amy Klein! If I ever needed another dose of validation of  the value of my work, your diary delivers it big time!

And as frustrating as it might be for you, dear Fertile Heart Visionary Moms to read this latest piece, titled My I.V.F. Education, please do read it. I’m hoping that you too will be energized to engage with the work we’re all doing here and we can collectively raise the level of sanity in this escalating world of baby-manufacturing-madness.

I hope Amy Klein’s education in I.V.F. continues. I hope she keeps questioning her doctor. She  may want to ask him about the most recent study published in PLOS on causes of I.V.F. failure, showing that “ICSI or rescue ICSI,” the next step she is prepping for, may fertilize the egg but it does not improve implantation and live birth rates in women  over 37.

Which doesn’t mean that over 37, and over 40 women don’t have gorgeous babies, it’s just that most of them didn’t get here through ICSI.

8 Responses to “The New York Times Fertility Diary: Naivete, Blinding Desperation, or Plain Old Human Arrogance?”

  1. mamaxtwo says:

    Hi, Julia. I really respect the work that you do. I have read both your books twice, purchased all your CDs, participated in two phone circles, and attended your workshop in Woodstock in 2012. One thing that leaves me unsettled about your work is the negativity that surrounds ART, especially IVF. I agree that many women and men go blindly into ART treatments, especially IVF. I also agree that IVF comes with risks. However, when I come across articles and statistics posted to your site about the latest dangers associated with this technology, I become fearful, not inspired. Is there a way that you can be more sensitive to couples who ultimately choose ART as a way to conceive? I truly believe that focusing on a synergy between a natural and assisted conception would be the most helpful. Thanks for listening. By the way, I am 37 weeks pregnant as a result of an IVF procedure. We have been trying for a baby for nearly 5 years.

    • Congratulations on your pregnancy. How wonderful! 5 years is a long time. And
      thank you for your kind words about my work, books and CD’s. Glad I was able to welcome you in our studio for the workshop.

      Below this note are some quotes from articles on our site about my view of using IVF and a link to stories of women who like you were successful following years of failed treatments after incorporating the I.B.O.W. tools.

      IVF is obviously a useful option for many women and I have supported countless couples on that road to motherhood. It is also a tool that can easily be abused.

      Again, thank you for the comment and best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy and motherhood!

      Here are some of those quotes and links:

      “In the last decade and a half of my work as a fertility educator, I’ve celebrated the arrival of many IVF-conceived babies, with mothers and fathers who followed this road to parenthood attentive to internal cues, protective of their overall level of health.”
      From IVF: The Dark Side of a Friend http://www.fertileheart.com/ivf-the-heavy-cost-of-the-nobel-prize/

      http://www.fertileheart.com/ivf-do-it-right-or-do-it-over/

      http://www.fertileheart.com/testimonials-2/ivf-success-stories/ Many more stories are waiting to be added to this page…

    • Congratulations on your pregnancy. How wonderful! 5 years is a long time. And thank you for your kind words about my work, books and CD’s. Glad I was able to welcome you in our studio for the workshop.

      Two years ago, M. you were the one who INSPIRED ME when you posted on our Fertility Forum this lovely comment: “Before starting working with the Fertile Heart tools I would have only considered my struggle to have another child as a tragedy. It NEVER occurred to me that anything good would come of this. I know now that there is something to this struggle I am going through. Thank you for the wonderful circle tonight!”

      Below this note are some quotes from articles on our site about my view of using IVF and a link to stories of women who like you were successful following years of failed treatments after incorporating the I.B.O.W. tools.

      IVF is obviously a useful option for many women and I have supported countless couples on that road to motherhood. It is also a tool that can easily be abused.

      Again, thank you for the comment and best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy and motherhood!

      Here are some of those quotes and links:

      “In the last decade and a half of my work as a fertility educator, I’ve celebrated the arrival of many IVF-conceived babies, with mothers and fathers who followed this road to parenthood attentive to internal cues, protective of their overall level of health.”
      From IVF: The Dark Side of a Friend http://www.fertileheart.com/ivf-the-heavy-cost-of-the-nobel-prize/

      http://www.fertileheart.com/ivf-do-it-right-or-do-it-over/

      http://www.fertileheart.com/testimonials-2/ivf-success-stories/ Many more stories are waiting to be added to this page…

  2. ThinkPositive says:

    I wonder what Amy would say if i told her i just “missed” my IUI insemination ? It was scheduled for Mon. morning at the midst of a terrible ice storm. I was lying in bed, thinking about how i will have to put the sperm in my bra and walk on icy sidewalks to the subway; Navigate my way to the clinic through service interuptions and hopefully will get the sperm in time for my IUI; that is, of course, if the lab stuff will make it this morning–i had no way to tell since our phones were down.
    Then i thought about the alternative: do it the old traditional way, alien with mother nature instead of condeming her for forcing me to go through it all.
    And so i change my plan for this morning, stayed in bed, and let go of all the “next time” thoughts.
    I know it was a visionary decision cause it felt good and i do not regret it. Resisting what is or worse–thinking that we can change it because we will plan it better next time lacks the humility i felt when i tried to put one foot on the icy stairs, and knew, right there, that this is beyond me: that i have no power over the way mother nature decided to act out that morning.

  3. dmama says:

    While going thru IVF three times I remember feeling utterly powerless. The waiting, the trying to do exactly what I was told, the heartless phone calls with unexplained bad news, and being told after each one that “my case would be received by the team (which of course would not include me) and I would get a letter in the mail in a few weeks.” As I sat reading Amy’s diary entry all of these bad memories flooded back and I remembered how I cried on the phone to the nurses and begged for someone to help to me and nobody did and nobody could. Now, I am in such a much better place and as a result of working with Julia and her practice, I am moving forward with this journey in a healthy way–both emotionally & physically. I hope for Amy that she will be able to find a healthier path.

  4. Katy G says:

    I was exhausted just reading her entry! I have not been through IVF before but I have been through some fertility treatment and just the ups and downs of the testing, meds, treatment and 2 week wait are hell on the emotions. Even if I did do IVF in the future, I could only imagine doing it with Fertile Heart tools. I need the calmness in my imagery and the energy in my food and the releasing in my body truth to help me along. I hope Amy finds your tools Julia!

  5. heather says:

    I clicked the link to Amy’s article and after reading it- my stomach was in knots and I felt sick. I flashed back to how I felt receiving phone calls similar to hers. I would take a blood test in the early am then wait all day for somebody, anybody to call me with some form of results. I sat there waiting by the phone, praying, stating affirmations, clutching at any sign of anything. When I did my IVF my eggs were fertilized by ICSI and were ” rated G” for good quality. I could not imagine how IVF/ICSI could not work. I mean the eggs fertilized right? Wrong. When I found out I was not pregnant and light $20,000 in cash I had two choices. Give up or do something. I choose to do something. I shifted my thinking, decided to make lifestyle changes and decided to stop handing over my fertility decisions and fertility future to anyone in a white coat. I found fertile heart and my life has changed. I did not realize how much I had been affected by the OVUM /Fertile Heart practice until I read Amy’s article. I will never allow myself to fall into my old fertility patterns. I wish her well, and I wish blessings to anyone pursuing IVF- I just know I can’t do it again. I have never been more grateful for choosing the fertile heart path than I am right now. I am going to read some Fertile Heart success stories and enjoy a cup of nettle tea.I know tonight when I do my body truth and imagery exercises ( after the Holiday teleconference) I will be able to reflect on this day and be grateful for this path. Thank YOU Julia and thank goodness for Fertile Heart.

  6. Hautbois says:

    I envision us FertileHearters cheering, after reading your powerful blog, Julia, with our fists up in the air, shouting, “Yes!”

    Julia, thank you for your truths. Thank you for breathing life into our hearts, which has led to the fertile heart community —

    We see how Amy Klein is missing the awe-inspiring chance to live fully, and thus create fully, and naturally. We see how she has become entangled in the cold medical solutions that try to control what cannot be controlled.

    It’s upsetting to read her words. We want her to take the time to ‘drop into her heart’ (Julia’s gentle persuasion for us) and find her Orphans — and soothe them with her Visionary.
    This will ultimately be the solution that brings her to life.

    Instead of trying to manage and control every exacting part of her next I.V.F. cycle, I truly hope that Amy Klein could channel those energies inward — embracing and loving every part of herself.

    Knowing that she is in need of our community, as are the many women reading her blog, we are being called, us FertileHearters, to be active and vocal! My first (and only) I.V.F. failed with the ICSI procedure, at the age of 42. But then I met Julia, and the Fertile Heart community, and I am awakened with hope, with joy, for ‘feeling, thinking, choosing, acting for myself’ !!

    With love and gratitude, Anna



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