Whether it’s repeated failed IVF’s, or recurrent miscarriages, or so called “advanced maternal age” or high FSH and low AMH, or any other diagnosis you’re wrestling with, this story can give you hope.
There are lessons in this highly connceivable story that can be useful not only to women and men facing reproductive challenges, but to all of us who are interested in healing.
A number of years ago, an “embryo mix up ” medical-mistake-story made headlines.
Four years later Carolyn Savage became pregnant at 45.
This time it was a spontaneous pregnancy.
When I read the Savages’ story soon after the publication of their book, Inconceivable (yes, the same title as my first book) I thought, there is something here that just doesn’t add up.
Carolyn’s last pregnancy has finally allowed us all to learn the lessons that were overlooked by the Savages and all the commentators.
If you’re looking to claim your own power to create change in your body and your life, be sure to watch all the way. The best stuff, especially if you’re new to our community, is at the end.
As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
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This is an incredible story, and one to learn from. Because I am ‘new’ to this whole journey of ART, I am also shocked to hear how the medical world can carry the power to be so off-guard and harmful. I guess it’s also because I have a tendency to trust, and I am slowly understanding that it is my own gut feeling rather then what doctors say that I need to follow up on. I hope that my story, the one that is being created now, will be able to carry a deeper truth without the unnecessary pain and suffering that can accompany such a journey. Thank you Julia.
At a moment in time, not feeling like I have any options (though clearly I know there are). I have to resolve to dig deep into the work so my visionary can find her next move. At 44 and my last IUI not achieving a pregnancy, I feel like the scientific world has said quite loudly said “SEE, WE TOLD YOU SO. YOUR EGGS ARE TOOOOOOO OLD!!”
Thank you Julia. Your comments mean a lot and I can’t wait to meet our child. Take care. Love, Esther x
I have just watched this great video and thought that it was deeply relevant to me and resonated. I was told about 11 years ago that I would have problems conceiving when I had an ovarian cyst removed and was found to have endometriosis. I told my husband on our second date that I had been told that I would have fertility problems. Now that I really reflect, I am not surprised that I have not got children. I realise that I have never really expected to become pregnant. Wow! What a revelation. The question is what I do now and I will have to reflect on this during my daily practice. Take care and thank you. Love, Esther x
Esther, dear, you may not have a baby yet, but boy what an amazing, thoughtful, awake Mom you are becoming. That’s one lucky child that’s walking toward you!
Beautiful video Julia. I can relate to how a doctors words can create more harm then good. I actually felt an orphan pop up today that said I can’t trust my body. ( Feels strikingly similar to an RE’s words about what is possible for me according to a sheet of paper). I also must say apart of me was terrified I would not have children. I told my spouse prior to getting pregnant with my daughter we may have difficulties having a child. I currently am trying not too fiddle with the dial every time I feel life is taking a turn!
No greater truth has been spoken – I can relate 100% to everything said. Every time I’m informed of “the difficulties”, I’m knocked back completely. At 40 I was told my ovarian reserve was very low/non detectable, yet I’ve been pregnant 5 times since then, I’m now 42. That doesn’t appear to be representative of the statistics they give for getting pregnant naturally after 40. My first diagnosis was ‘secondary infertility’, the last time I saw the consultant I was told I was fertile because I keep getting pregnant and that my age is most likely 80% the reason I’m miscarrying. Personally, I think this statistic is wrong too, I’ve seen women of all ages from 20 to 30 to 40(me!) at the miscarriage clinic. The medics just seemed to have made me feel more uneasy about my chances so I’m now deciding to go it solo, i.e. no medical intervention, learn patience, commit to my practice at a much deeper level than previously and listen to my orphans.
Just recently, I’ve begun to struggle again with the question of going through the medical route or not. I tried it last year, but had such a bad experience with Clomid (it worked TOO well and I made a bunch of eggs, yet then spent the next 6 weeks with a totally whacked out cycle and crazy hormones, and NO baby) and an IUI, I felt confident putting the RE in my past. But now, as months have screamed by with still no pregnancy, I began to doubt my decision to go at this solo. Then I read your comment and that’s exactly what is bugging me–the medical community makes me feel even more doubtful and scared about my ability to have a baby. I have been wondering if that’s just me letting fear get the best of me. But then again, I too have been pregnant in my 40s and I’ve been pregnant in my 30s. My son was just born 3 years ago at nearly 40 with no reproductive help. The miscarriage I had was at 41, and that was because “these things happen, and you are in your 40s so it’s not surprising.” The docs have even said my ovaries look like those of a woman much younger (and how this is determined, I have NO idea!). “So why aren’t you pregnant,” said the doctor. Um, yeah. Thanks doc. Your comment, Pineapple, really helped clear away some confusion for me.
Its lovely to have a response like yours, we are all in so much pain, sometimes just knowing there really are others out there who understand can be such a support.
The first time I saw a consultant was immediately after my first miscarriage, I guess I just wanted to see if there was anything ‘wrong’ – hmm, if only I knew what would follow – truly, I never would have gone, the damage that’s been caused to my confidence, its taken me 2 years to recover. In this first meeting I wasn’t expecting to discover an antral follicle count of only 3. Whilst the consultant tried to be very encouraging about the fact that I’d managed a pregnancy in the first place I’m afraid the damage was done by the look on her face, the silence in the room before she delivered the news and those wretched statistics, such a small chance of me conceiving on my own, I was almost convinced I would never get pregnant again. Her advice to me was to take Clomid and DHEA for 6 months, if that failed then to sign up for IVF because in one year she probably wouldn’t be able to help me. I went away, cried a lot, then researched – why Clomid?, why DHEA, I had an excellent thickness to my endometrial lining that Clomid would destroy, great cervical mucus (my estrogen was definitely not low), I had regular clycles with good biphasic patterns which clearly indicated I ovulated every month. I decided not to take the drugs – 6 weeks later I was pregnant again! I had definitely received misguided information and advice there. Again, not trusting myself, for I miscarried again, I sought there advice – this time I went for the Chicago Testing – well, what wasn’t wrong with me……! More tears, more damage – I just wanted to walk away from them all. Yet again, against all the odds, I got pregnant, apparently I’m fertile now, so I followed the protocol. Which I did almost to the letter, I’ve often questioned the bit that I didn’t follow correctly, could this be why I miscarried? Deep down I can’t shake off the fact that I’m the same person with the same genetics that I was when I had my son. The immune suppressing drugs and oil drips made me quite ill, supposedly all normal reactions. That pregnancy, hand on my heart, felt right, it was perfect, perfect heart beat, everything. What wasn’t feeling right – my orphans! Its taken me all these months to realise these need attention, slowly but surely I’m addressing them and there is a lightness coming about me once again.
I can see your confusion and, it must be terribly frustrating, as you are told you have the ovaries of a much younger woman so they don’t understand why you are not pregnant again but then the reason they give you for miscarrying is because you are in your 40’s, that is very difficult to make sense of.
A story full of learning that help me stay on track after another month in which my hope of having a baby was seriously attenuated by active orphans ticking the clock in my ears: “Hello, you’re 44!”.
I read their blog as well; Caroline is currently pregnant and announced her pregnancy to her husband on 1st of April . Seems that it happened to her “in the right place at the right moment”
Thank you Julia!
Ah Julia, I do still love hearing your wise and lovely voice. I “conceived the old fashion way” at 40. I still remember what my fertilty drs said very clearly the years I was trying to concieve. Words can hold a lot of power if we let them. Thank you for teaching me the power of listening to the authority within me and listen to that voice!!!
Again, Julia hits it out of the park! It’s as if she knows exactly what is going on inside my head and exactly what I need to hear at any given time. Docs are not gods, nor are they the divine answer in our quest for babies every single time. It wasn’t until I had a doctor start spouting off stats and basically hopeless odds that I would conceive again BASED ON MY AGE and just a few numbers on a lab sheet that I became panicked and nearly blind with an obsessive drive to get pregnant. I went down a dark and scary path, but I found a lifeline through the 3-session phone conference. It wasn’t until I arrived here did I feel some hope. I certainly didn’t feel any at the doctor’s office. When I mentioned Halle Berry’s pregnancy at 46, my doc patted me on the back and said, “Donor eggs, honey. How else could that be?” I read Julia’s books before trying to conceive my son a few years ago, but I didn’t really walk the walk. Now, I am doing my best to do just that. I have LOTS of orphans who just love to come out and play, and seeing them as PART of my birthing journey is totally new for me. Seeing them as beings that need love and attention, not banishment and shame, is huge. It rings so true to me that in order to create life we have to save our own first. That makes so much more sense to me than half the stuff the doctors say about assisted reproduction. I sometimes feel I’ll never heal these orphans in time to have another child, but I guess I’m not supposed to. It’s like yoga–you never “finish” practicing yoga, never master any of it. There is always more to do, more to learn, more to experience in every single pose every day. Like my baby journey. I will probably never be “done” in this birthing myself mission, but why would I want to be? What fun would that be? ;-) Just knowing that the medical community doesn’t know everything and that I can be an active co-creator is liberating.
KN–it’s so true about “walking the walk”. I realized that too and have “buckled down” . This work is an investment in ourselves so we may be able to invest fully in our own child.
Another lesson in the power of doctor’s words and the impact it can have on our bodies. And, of course, it certainly doesn’t behoove the RE community to track ‘spontaneous’ natural pregnancies at this age after years of trying and most of them wouldn’t want to share this type of information with their patients. But, many have no issue talking about what’s wrong, the low chances, age etc. Isn’t there a saying about ‘doing no harm’?
Thanks for creating this video.
Dear Julia,
Thank you for this beautiful piece, Julia. I remember my first OBGYN appointment in my early twenties and the doctor saying I had a small cervix and a tipped uterus. I didn’t know at that time that it was OK to ask questions like “What does this mean? Would this have any impact on having children?” And really the doctor didn’t even mention children in the equation, as I recall, but somehow he imprinted in me that this part of my body was defective. So I even went in to marriage telling my future husband that I might not be able to have children. He graciously married me anyway and said we could adopt if we needed to. Those words of the doctor certainly took hold of me even though my brother and sister never had any trouble and my mom and dad conceived the three children in my family (my siblings and myself) in one month’s effort each.
Thank you so much, Julia.
Loved this video- the timing seems truly divine. It seems every time I feel my body-child calling out for attention through some new bodily quirk- a video, blog, or forum post manages to remind me ever so gently what I am striving towards- healing itself from within, begging me to slow down, take a respite and to surrender to what is. To trust my body and to be patient with myself.
Like Katy, whenever I try to dictate or force something my body does not respond with what I want. It seems as if my body is trying to teach me lessons. I just simply need to be more attuned. And like Lori, my unborn child is trying to teach me to trust my body and know that when he or she is ready and I am in a place of healing my journey will begin in a new
direction.
This video reminds me that I am a co-creator in the life on my choosing. What timely lessons packed into a few minutes. Powerful learning! Thanks Julia!
So many of us trust our doctors to be the creators of life, our own life. I’ve come to the conclusion that there are probably millions of people who don’t even realize their need to heal. I, myself, knew I had some “issues” to contend with as many do, however, I had no idea that when I began to try to conceive I would embark upon a journey much greater than birthing a child. Through Fertile Heart, I began to birth myself – over and over again. I have been caught up in the stimulation of ovulation and know first hand how one can be consumed with the numbers, statistics, percentages and black & white test results. What is often pushed to the side or deep INside is the healing we may be rejecting, sometimes not even realizing it.
With Julia’s Ovum practice , I have begun to allow myself to feel the hurt, the pain, the anquish of not only grappling with fertility but with a lifetime of experiences that have brought me to the delicious desire of birthing my own healthy child. My unborn child has already taught me so much about myself in the past year than I have known in the past 42 years. I am trusting myself, my body and my child to know when to enter my womb. Of course, this is practice is not for the faint of heart, but it is a journey like no other that will give you an outcome you never even saw on your radar.
What a great video! I just have to say…I get it. I really do get it. In my own experience my body does not respond well to forcing what I want. I get listening to my body now and slowing down. I finally do understand why this is a gift too! I would not have said that even a few months ago but now I understand why this situation has been presented to me.
I heard this story too over the news and immediately thought of you Julia. It is quite fascinating the pregnancies that come naturally after years of treatment. Being in the medical field too it is somewhat scary what our words can have on a patient. I am hyper aware of that now! Thank you again for this timely video.