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November 9: International Turn-It-Around-Day

By on November 1, 2015

The sages of our wisdom traditions teach that the healing that becomes possible in a life crisis is always in direct proportion to the magnitude of the crisis. The invitation of the Fertile Heart practice is all about that: turning crisis into opportunity.

A few years ago, I made up a brand new holiday. I declared November 9 the International Day of Compassion. The idea was inspired by my belief that as a nation and a species, we missed the giant healing opportunity after that dark September Tuesday in 2001. For me, that Tuesday was our draft card into the army of peace. Sadly, it was not the army most of us joined. Thus the army of peace remains pitifully understaffed.

But it’s not too late.

The legacy of 9/11 can still become a giant forward-leap in human awareness. It’s really up to us. Every little step counts.

For now the Turn It Around Project is going through a slow gestation. And looking around at the state of affairs in our dysfunctional human family, I’ve also come to realize that compassion is way too ambitious an aim at this early stage of our human evolution.

The literal meaning of compassion is to-suffer-with. Compassion means feeling the pain of another. Most of us have a tough enough time feeling our own pain, which puts suffering with another out of reach. So for the time being I’ve decided to re-name November 9 the International Turn-It-Around-Day. A day when I’ll take just a few minutes longer to ask myself:

What is it that needs turning around in my own life right now?

It’s a more humble, more achievable aim.

In case any of you care to join me, I’d love some company. Wanting to bring a kid into this glorious mess we’re finding ourselves in lately and not wanting to Turn It Around doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, does it?

What I wasn’t aware of when I first declared this holiday, was that November 9 is also the anniversary of the Night of the Broken Glass, when synagogues were burned, and beatings, looting and attacks against Jews had taken place throughout Nazi Germany and parts of Austria. The night was the beginning of Hitler’s Final Solution and the beginning of the end for my two grandmothers, my beautiful young aunt Adele, countless cousins and a little boy whose picture hung over my bed.

So this holiday I made up, is for me also a chance to honor the memory of the people I never got to meet. That little boy, my brother, was one of them. The video I posted (again) is a way to keep turning the memory of his short life into a force of healing.

Got anything you’d like to turn around in your life?

33 Responses to “November 9: International Turn-It-Around-Day”

  1. Sofi says:

    Julia,

    Thank you for this beautiful and moving tribute to your brother and how you are reclaiming him as a sibling. It’s devastating to think about the suffering that took place in those times, and then to see the Paris attacks happening now. Whenever this type of horrible event happens, I ask myself do I really want to bring a child into this crazy, dangerous world? I do think it is a sign of hope to have children despite it, that future generations might be the ones to bring the healing that this world truly needs. I also want to mention that this is the second time this year that I felt like I dodged a bullet. I was in the Paris airport on Thursday the 12th, the day before the attacks. I feel like I could have been there if things shifted just slightly, and I am relieved although also freaked out by the near miss. Earlier this year, I was on a train headed south of Philadelphia the same night that the train derailed just north of the city. Maybe something is watching out for me.

    I have been pondering your question about what do I need to turn around in my life. There are many things of course, but I do realize that I need to find gratitude for all that I do have in my life rather than dwelling on what is missing. I often focus too much on the negative or what’s not working, when I am quite fortunate in comparison with so many people. The other thing I really want to turn around is the feeling of isolation that I have had on this journey. Even when I try to talk to people about it, they want to help but give platitudes that are not really reassuring. My husband wants to be supportive but he truly doesn’t know how or what to say. I try to participate in the circles but don’t always feel like I am truly a part of the group. And I know that a lot of it stems from me, that I don’t put myself out there, that I don’t reach out to others, so how do I expect to feel that I belong. When I read the posts, I definitely identify with so much, and sometimes it helps me feel less like I am the only one who is struggling with irregular cycles, hot flashes, and feeling like it’s never going to happen.

  2. musicalmamma says:

    THREE has been coming up for me over and over again on this journey. In my best friend’s prediction of when I’ll conceive (3? March!) in my dreams (three women were pregnant, and in need of healing), and now also, I realize, I am part of a trio of siblings, too. I almost always say I have one sister, but in reality there is another. A half-sister kidnapped by her mother when she was 3 and I was 6. I haven’t seen her since.
    And then- this title of your’s – THREE! Too much to ignore there is something to pay attention to- but then what? Is my call to acknowledge my missing sister? To try and heal from the grief and unknowing? I feel I am getting signs, but don’t know what to actually do with them. This is why I am joining the circle tonight. I need wise, kind outside eyes to help me see what is right in front of me.

  3. Chayim says:

    Dearest Fertile Mamas

    Thank you for your posts. Emily – I read your post and really connected with you when you said that you have felt so exhausted by the cycle of hope and despair and having to cope with your failures in the face of everyone else’s successes. Also when you said that you think shutting yourself off from it all has been your coping mechanism and telling yourself it doesn’t matter. I can really relate to this. I have been so numb and am finally feeling that I am connecting to my emotions again. I have found my dreams to be really profound guidance. I am also reminded of the story that Julia tells at the beginning of chapter one in the Fertile Female about a farmer in China who has a son and whose response to what is happening is “maybe”. It has been a constant reminder that its not over until its over and that what appears to be good or bad may not be so. By living this truth I feel like less of a failure and more of an adventurer who has been sent into the unknown to discover my own truth.

    Take care and good to know that you are all out there and that this journey is not being undertaken alone.

    Love, Esther x

  4. Chayim says:

    I am reeling from the horror of the attack in Paris last night. I feel very conflicted regarding my wish to bow to the power of good and my anger at these attacks. As I heard the statements made on the news I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness and fierce anger. The world feels like it has gone mad. My heart goes out to those affected by this tragedy and I am asking how we make changes so that this does not happen again and again.

    Love, Esther x

  5. Emily says:

    Thank you for such a beautiful and heart rending post. I cannot find the words to express how I feel about the horror of the holocaust and the deep and far reaching losses, that went down the generations. The children that were never born because their parents had perished. I can remember visiting an exhibition by the children of holocaust survivors and realizing that it takes more than one generation to heal such pain and loss. I can identify with the life that never was. I lost my only child, a girl, at 37 weeks of pregnancy 17 years ago. A combination of failed relationships and then meeting my husband at 37 and being unable to conceive has meant there have been no more children.But watching you say “we are three”, gave me the courage to say “I am a mother” again. Like Robika my daughter is fixed in time.
    I have found the comments to this post utterly inspiring and they have given me the courage to reconnect with my grief and also my longing.To really ask my infertility why it is there and to find the courage to say “f**k it” and try again even though I am pushing 44 now. I have felt so exhausted by the cycle of hope and despair and having to cope with my failures in the face of everyone else’s successes. I think shutting myself off from it all has been my coping mechanism and telling myself it doesn’t matter, but I had become quite depressed and didn’t know why. Ironically I didn’t think it was due to childlessness because I thought I was “past being upset about babies”. But when I read this post and many of the comments I cried for the first time ages and re-connected with that part of myself so thank you for that. Inspired by all of you ultimate moms I am going to say “f**k it (keep having to go back and put the stars in there) and try again despite my age and when the you can’ts come up turn round to them and say why not?

    • findingfaith21 says:

      I’m right there with you, Emily. Why CAN’T we succeed? Conception and birth are absolute mysteries. If they were not, every single one of us could do IVF and have a healthy baby, no doubt. But even in the best of circumstances, doctors still can only guarantee about 60%. That tells me there is a WHOLE lot of this journey that is unreachable on our level. So why not believe that it’s possible? I’ve only recently adopted this visionary and I pray she sticks around when my period most likely shows up (and that’s when I usually scramble off to Orphanland). But I’m so liking this feeling of “fu** it–why the hell NOT??” It’s liberating. Totally foreign to me, but liberating. So keep up the good fight. I’m your age as well as I’m still at this.

  6. Sparxy says:

    This is my first time posting to the blog – I have read everyone’s comments and am impressed and moved. I feel like together we could really change the world, really Turn It Around. I have had to think a lot about what I need to turn around because honestly, when I first heard that question, I was like I can’t even turn anything around. And then I realized I want to turn *that* around – this consuming, gnawing doubt and anxiety that I am just not enough in any way. I feel like I make all of my decisions with that in mind and it’s exhausting. I have been on this journey for four years and have no clear path before me. And I have to wonder, is it because I question myself so damn much? I can’t even clearly see an image of myself pregnant. I also want to turn this around for other people. I want to be the kind of person who can help others feel like they are enough, like they are awesome. Because I think that doubt is present in so many of us and we try to get rid of it with some not helpful and sometimes downright dangerous methods.
    Love to all of you and gratitude to Julia for sharing this video and story.
    Suzanne

    • Moving forward says:

      Thank you Sparxy for sharing your truthful thoughts and your desire for change. I can fully relate to them and it takes courage to tease out what is holding you back. Honesty is refreshing and healing. You are right, reaching out to others and acknowledging their doubts is a lovely step forward in your own journey. I will take inspiration from this. Thanks again. #prayersforparis

  7. Chayim says:

    As promised, I have been thinking about how I can make my part of the world a better place where I see the opportunity to do so. I have been keeping a dream journal and writing down any dreams that I remember. I have found this to be a really lovely part of the practice that has brought many emotions to the surface. In my dream from three nights ago, I am in an apartment in Jerusalem where I used to live but the apartment is bigger. It is my Mum and Dad’s apartment and my brother and sister in law are also there. I am in the kitchen and behind the stove is a door to a storage cupboard behind. I remember having been in the cupboard before but know that I cannot go in there now as I would feel too claustrophobic. My Dad has an artist’s easel and I find my camera. My brother is cutting up fruit and dates on the kitchen work surface which is made of raw MDF.

    I have thought about this dream a lot. The cupboard feels like the place where my past hurts are stored and I am unable to go into the cupboard for fear of facing them. I think that my camera represents my fear of loss as there is a lot of my past that I cannot remember and I am always worried about missing or losing the moment. My brother is preparing food on a toxic inappropriate surface and I think that this represents my fear of toxicity, both emotional and physical.

    There have been many more and they feel like messages to me from the Ultimate Mom which is reassuring.

    We are in a rehearsal cycle before our embryo transfer. We are having an egg donation cycle and the waiting to hear when things will happen has been agonising. We are also not allowed to try this month as I am having a preparatory procedure later in my cycle and if things come together, we will have embryo transfer next cycle. I woke up this morning close to tears as I realised that our long journey for a child that is biologically both Fergal’s and mine is over. I thought that I was fine with the concept of egg donation but suddenly, I felt totally bereft. The loss of my genetic line felt crushing. I got up and did the backpack imagery as I felt that I was burdening our unborn child with so much expectation in terms of healing in our family and being “like me”. This should be a joyous experience but I feel myself feeling anxious and resentful. I then did Welcome Home Body Truth and found myself moving and crying all at the same time. I have been so numb for so long that it felt good to feel something, even if I was sad.

    So to come back to my original commitment to make my part of the world a better place. I realise that I must learn to love and cherish myself instead of always loving and cherishing everyone around me. In the picture of my life at the moment, I am somewhere on the sidelines and I need to reclaim my power. Not to be arrogant but to be peaceful and a powerful force for good. The more exhausted I feel, the less I can help others.

    I am also starting a gratitude journal this evening. A friend mentioned it earlier this week and then Julia’s email today was about Gratitude taking guts. I am going to record 3 things that I grateful for at the end of each day. It is gratifying that there are so many to chose from.

    Take care Fertile Mamas. I am so grateful to be able to share this journey with you. It is certainly a life affirming experience that forces you to open up and expand.

    Love, Esther x

  8. Gravid Sans Doute says:

    Dear Chopin, Esther, Mother2Be, Heartsease, Moving forward, butterflyfaith, Uccella, FearlessRose, Gutsymama, and MiraculousLife,

    Chopin – Wonderful for feeling more at peace with your past.
    Esther – Yay for making the world a better place.
    Mother2Be – Good luck turning around whatever you need to.
    Heartsease – Yay for commitment to healing. Yay for having what you want.
    Moving forward – Those are wonderful insights. I greet and honor the compassionate, generous you.
    butterflyfaith – Yay for the why not visionary!
    Uccella – Yay for feistiness! Awesome. I can relate to clutter issues!
    FearlessRose – Wonderful to distance yourself from “mean” friends.
    Gutsymama – Wonderful for reverence for the Ultimate Mom.
    MiraculousLife – I agree. It would be great to know who everyone is again.

    Blessings to all!!

  9. butterflyfaith says:

    Happy Turn It Around Day, everyone! I am going to celebrate turning around my FU** IT orphan into a visionary. I’m going to keep answering the orphan’s “NEVER” with a loud “WHY NOT?” and I’m going to keep looking at both sides of the coin instead of just the worst case. It’s incredibly hard, and I’ve been through enough therapy to know why. But I’m tired of knowing why but not knowing how to turn it around. So today I’m going to just keep yelling “FU** IT” to all the excuses and fears and obstacles. During BT today (Defend, Receive) I realized I am completely and utterly terrified of reaching out to receive because I don’t know what I will get. Actually, that’s not right. I think I “know” what I will get: crap, a slap, something awful because I was greedy enough to reach for more. Hmm. That is new. And again, Visionary Me says “FU** IT” because that is just not acceptable.

    Thank you, Julia, for throwing a big fat flaming arrow into this dark forest for me and lighting the way. As you do for all of us. I see how some people give up on life after suffering half of what your mother went through. It makes me sad on so many levels. I can’t imagine how she found the courage to start over, but I see her determination and hope in you.

  10. Gravid Sans Doute says:

    Dear Wonderful Mamas,

    I am checking in. I am continuing to do Mirror of Truth Fertile Heart Imagery and self esteem alternating with pregnant body truth. Today, because it just seems a little hard to get there, I am remembering my blessings to lift my spirits and what I am grateful for includes the fact that my husband still has a job – it’s a little day to day week to week, but I am grateful whenever he is able to work.

    I applaud you Julia for claiming your brother and having the courage to speak out and claim a life for yourself and others. There is no way to comprehend the horror and grief of the Holocaust. I do feel, however, that if paralyzing fear prevents people from living their lives, then Hitler has claimed the lives of those who actually perished and also the generations after. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be to claim life and go forward, but I believe it has to be.

    Blessings.

  11. Chopin says:

    Dear Julia,

    Julia, thank you for posting your courageous testament to your love for Robika. This time I noticed the number of children that perished in the camps and also, more concretely, that it was also your ‘young and beautiful aunt Adele’ who didn’t survive. Somehow that made me realize how more real people get when they have a name. I could see her in flesh in front of me as I read your description. I have a turn-it-around example from my recent life. I reclaimed my years as an au-pair from when I was 18-20 years old. In May I wrote a letter to the grandmother from the Czech emigre family in Toronto I was an aupair for after high school. She wrote me back in August, and wants to stay in touch. It brought tears to my eyes, and I felt a relief in my body as though some tension has been released. I feel that I am tying the lose ends of my life. Connecting what’s been left dead end avenues. In September I met Sabrina, the little girl I once took care of, who is now a young woman in her twenties, on her year abroad in France. I gave her a pair of Czech glass earrings. Now her mother got back to me too and we will all meet in Prague next summer. This is extraodrinary – reclaiming those years of my life that I spent away from my family, and also very formative years, where I took a trip by myself across Canada. I am finding peace within myself regarding the Canadian period of my life. All these fifteen years I have been angry at my family for sending me away this young and at my father for losing all the money I’d saved from the job. It has become a taboo that my family didn’t talk about.

    Regarding the practice, I was struck to hear you say in Welcome home body truth “Can you let go? Trust it. Your body knows how.” I was so touched that I don’t have to scrutinize my body. It was a realization that I am at home in my own body, and don’t have to run away. Thank you for that sentence, Julia. I do the readings sometimes without noticing much, and this one shined so clearly this time. I am in awe at Nick’s body’s healing last year, but seeing my own body that has the knowledge to heal is new for me. This past week in the Backpack imagery I felt great relief at throwing it away and not burdening my child with my own baggage. In the Playground, I saw the kids playing but every time when I got to the end, I couldn’t see any of them who would recognize me and if they did, I didn’t know how to greet them. I felt at a loss.

    I miss you here in Prague, as I dive into my culture everyday, and wonder about which chapter of your book I will translate to Czech. It feels dangerous.

    Eva

  12. Chiam says:

    My darling Julia. I have just watched your video which is so poignant and moving. I cannot begin to imagine how it feels to want to reach out to Robika and hold him. I have visited Auschwitz three times and it is not possible to describe the anger and depth of emotion that you feel in a place that cannot be adequately described. My heart goes out to you and your family. The bravery of you all to keep going in the face of such a tragedy is humbling.

    You ask if I have got anything I’d like to turn around in my life. There are many things that I need to change. One of my favorite films is Pay It Forward and this blog made me think of what I can do this week to make a difference to someone’s life. I feel that we are all linked and that any good deed that I do makes me look outside of myself for a while and like a pebble in a pond, maybe the ripples makes a difference.

    The world feels like it is going mad. There is some much hatred and we must fight for a better place for us and our children. However, there are a lot of good people too. My Dad had a fall this week when he was out in the street. He is fine other than being battered and bruised and one of the lovely things was that so many people came to help him. I am very grateful for those who stopped to help.

    I will commit to being more conscious about making my part of the world a better place where I see the opportunity to do so.

    Take care. Love, Esther x

  13. Mother2Be says:

    Julia – Like the other mamas I admire your mother for starting over and I admire you for remembering and honoring the brother you know but never met. Today, on the anniversary of my son’s death, I can only hope that his sister will keep him alive like you keep little Robika alive. I don’t know how you find the energy and strength to give so much to so many. You are a treasure. I’m not sure how to articulate what I want to turn around but I’m with you on Monday the 9th and every day. ~M

  14. Heartsease says:

    Ahh those photos! Robika was and is such a beautiful little boy. It’s a delight to meet him here. I’m in awe of your mother finding enough health to bring two girls into the world so soon after such immense trauma. Her capacity for healing inspires me to open to my own body’s healing potential.

    The pain of that time in history rips through the generations. I’ve discovered this first hand having spent the past 3.5 years of my life with a partner who’s father, a Hungarian jew, survived Auschwitz, where his mother and brother were killed, and later died of his emotional wounds. I have seen how my then partner’s childhood experiences and his family history informed his choice not to bring life into the world as a father. It is so heartening to see how that choice could be made so differently. I love how out of Julia’s family history, and the tragic deaths of so many millions, through the dedication of a woman committed to deep healing, has grown the life-affirming, life-saving and life-creating Fertile Heart practice.

    I’ve seen in other contexts how healing it can be for siblings to come home to their order in the family, restoring the flow of love, no matter how fleeting their lost siblings’ lives, including those who did not draw their first breath. I recently made a commitment to be open to the flow of love in my family. I’m the second of four, and this week I finally reached out to my younger sister, in all the rawness of an AMH result far, far worse than I’d even feared. I found myself shouting at her when she tried to make us both feel better by offering positivity and optimism about what life may still be possible for me without children. I hardly ever shout, and it felt SO good, especially as I’ve been getting more and more impatient with platitudes from well-meaning friends. With huge respect and gratitude for my sis, she responded in a beautifully supportive, loving and healing way.

    My period arrived yesterday, a beautiful, full-flowing, hearty red, confirming that this was my first ovulatory cycle in a few months (as it arrived after 12 days of significantly higher body temp). It was only a few days ago that I wondered if, at 41, I’d had my last fertile period. I bow to my body showing me having undetectable AMH is not the whole story, however devastating and frightening it feels, and however scary it now feels to allow a small amount of hope back in, for fear it may be dashed.

    I’m really appreciating that opening sentence about the healing that’s possible is in direct proportion to the magnitude of the crisis. Right now, I feel like I’m kneeling on the floor, looking all round me at the pieces of my shattered dreams, hoping I will find the strength and creative inspiration to piece them together in a new way that I can one day find beautiful, and that can soon guide me on this rocky path.

    What do I want to turn around? I want to turn around and leap into the current of life! For too long I’ve lived half dead, and for these past two years I’ve been feeling like my ovaries and a bigger part of me are dying with every hot flash and disrupted cycle. I want to turn around what I carry of my own family history that is steeped in death. I also want to turn around a deeply learned belief that I can’t have what I want, so I can connect with my longing, with sure-heartedness and humility, and truly follow its healing pull. On the 9th of November I will light a candle to these pledges and another to the broken glass and shattered lives — with both candles sharing the same flame.

    I worry I’ve written too much, but I can’t resist what feels like a precious healing opportunity to articulate this *out loud* here, amongst women who are courageous enough to see and hear each other — with compassion. And it feels so good to connect with the experiences, triumphs and struggles of other women on this journey, here and on the teleconferences. Each comment touches my heart and lights my way. Thank you all for your heartfelt sharing. I’m adding my voice to those who are cheering you on….

  15. Moving forward says:

    Dear Julia and gorgeous fertile mamas

    Julia, thank you for sharing your heart breaking story. Your brother had a face of an angel and to think how he was taken from this world is unimaginable. He represents pure innocence and to actually see his photos makes the atrocity all too real. Your mother was brave and courageous to keep living with this void in her life. She is an inspiration. For you to claim him Julia must be healing. Thanks again for sharing your story which allows us to reflect on true pain and suffering. Rest in peace beautiful Robiko.

    I want to turnaround my ability not only to be compassionate when others are suffering but to celebrate when others are happy. When times are tough I tend to look at other people’s lives with rose tinted glasses, envying the thing that they have that I don’t. It is then hard to truly celebrate with them because I feel hard done by inside. This to me is a real loss for me as the pain that I’m going through starts to spill over to all aspects of myself and changes the person that I want to be. The loss becomes greater and greater and a gap exists between who I am and who I strive to be. Not on the outside but on the inside. On the outside I appear the same but it is the person deep inside that I want to change. I don’t want the compassionate generous person to go because that would be a real loss. This is my turn it around aim.

  16. butterflyfaith says:

    Hi Mamas:

    Just a quick note to tell you that even though it’s been just shy of a week that I’ve “met” this “FU** It” visionary, I am LOVING her! It’s really liberating to feel inspired and invigorated by saying “screw it” instead of defeated and lost. Having this mindset of “why not give it a shot/believe/write/get to bed before 1 a.m./do my imagery without feeling burdened/have FUN with my husband” is really showing me how I can turn things around. I feel nervous that in about 20 minutes this visionary is going to scram and I’ll be left with my “FU** It” orphan instead, and that would hurt. I don’t even know how I found this visionary, except to think that Julia calling me out on one of our phone circles and me finally realizing I’m not living this practice did the trick. My snowflake. I knew what I needed to do, yet I wasn’t really doing it. Why? That’s when this visionary answered “why not?” So for now I’m hoping she sticks around a while. Because I’m only mid-cycle now. Come two weeks from now when I start to freak about my period showing up, I will need her spunk to keep me from locking myself back in the orphanage.

    • butterflyfaith says:

      PS: It amazes me that somehow, Julia, you always know what to say, when to say it and HOW to say it. You know I need a sturdy nudge, and you know how to give it in just the right way. As Robin said, thank you for the tools to help us keep walking along this journey.

    • Heartsease says:

      Such a delight to hear of your FU** IT visionary! She inspies me to go in search of that essential and life-affirming feistiness in me x

  17. Uccella says:

    Dear Julia,
    Thank you for sharing about your brother, Robika.

    On November 9, I will imagine you reaching your hand to your brother and taking him back to the living world. He lives on through your tribute.

    I’ve been struggling with clutter for almost all of my life. I have cleared the clutter several times, only to go back to clutter because I start piling stuff and saying, “I’ll put it back later.” I aim to turn this habit around. I can’t always say, “later” or else I won’t live my creative life. I will turn around my clutter into creative space.

  18. FearlessRose says:

    Dear Julia, I watched your video about your sweet brother and it is heart wrenching to think that he (and your mother) had to go through such horrible things. He will not be forgotten by the fertile heart community. I am truly sorry for your and your family’s loss of him (and all your family members who perished in a similar way) no longer being here and the way that he was forced to go. What Europeans and the rest of the world should not forget are the atrocities of the Nazi regime. It is a truly difficult (if almost impossible) thing to forgive and have compassion when remembering such events and happenings such as what happened to your brother. What is happening now in Europe with the refugees makes me worry that people are starting to forget – and at the same time forgetting their compassion.

    What I want to turn around in my small life is to start a new phase in my life where I no longer remain “friends” with people who are mean and cruel to me. It is time to turn around my life and stop being treated unkindly or in a mean way by “friends”. The energy it creates in me and when I am with such people is not healthy, nor is it anything I would like any child of mine to notice or feel. Nor do I wish any child of mine to think that it is ok for a friend (or anyone for that matter!) to behave in a mean manner. I am still trying to understand why I have recently, and in the past, befriended and remained friends with people who are awful to me. Maybe it is a way to punish myself. So another thing to turn around is to stop punishing myself and to feel compassion for me, including all my Orphans, as well as for those around me. Thank you for sharing your story and pain so openly with us. Your brother will be in my prayers tonight.

  19. Gutsymama says:

    I love this video Julia. Seeing your brother eyes and wondering how your mother ever was able to live out the rest of her life without a deep sorrow following her. I am not sure I could.

    turning crisis into opportunity – I want to take that step now. I have felt a different sorrow but is one where I see my child to be in my minds eye but I have yet to hold him or her in my physical arms and it brings deep sadness and fear that it might not happen. But as we discussed on the phone the other night – I can not see how it could not happen! I am walking walking walking to meet him or her halfway. I am crying, punching the air at times in my body truth and using my imagery to keep walking.

    I think a very important thing we discussed on the call is to go in with a feeling of respect/reverence for connection with the UM. I have been making sure I do that before each imagery. It creates a different atmosphere for me in my imagery and I do not feel so broken going in or alone.

    I want to turn my sorrow of the past 5 years into a healing for myself and my husband. To allow this to open our hearts and allow the deepest love come for our child to be

  20. Gravid Sans Doube says:

    Dear Julia, stacyw, Ruth Hegarty, Brave Caterpillar, MiraculousLife, butterflyfaith, and MumbaiMom,

    Julia – Awesome for claiming your brother. Lots of tears for me with that video to honor him. I only wish that this kind of inhumanity was no where to be found today. I believe people are looking for love and when they don’t find it they become less than the basest of animals. If Fertile Heart can help us to be better mothers, what a gift and to love ourselves as well
    stacyw -wonderful for your support
    Ruth Hegarty -Wonderful for liking who you are now.
    Brave Caterpillar – Wonderful to love the orphans and feel light.
    MiraculousLife – Yay for not judging your orphans. Wonderful to hear from you.
    butterflyfaith – Yay for embracing the good.
    MumbaiMom -Wonderful for your compassion. I’m sorry your mother was not there for you as you had hoped. It sounds like you are really making some powerful actions.

    I have been doing Mirror of Truth Imagery and imagining the Robin who knows her worth and doesn’t need anyone else’s approval body truth alternating wit feeling pregnancy. I really think working on self esteem is my turn around project at this member and I am so grateful to you Julia for giving me some good tools!!! I believe that my dad really didn’t have high self esteem to give and it affected my siblings and myself. Not the worst, but it could have been better. My mom didn’t have the courage at the time to speak up to him when he said challenging damaging things – I just don’t think he had a lot of it to give. I love them dearly and forgive them both. I guess they didn’t have the Fertile Heart tools!!

    Blessings to all.

    • MiraculousLife says:

      Hello Robin
      Good to hear from you !! As usual such a matured approach Robin. So very true. I came across so many people off late and think to myself, how they are dwelling in orphan land and not able to get out of it. Really thankful for getting introduced to the OVUM tools. These have been my live saver.

      MumbaiMom – As Robin pointed out, very powerful revelations. It took a lot of practice to get to the bottom of some painful things. I am so glad you are able to make your way in identifying these pain points. Kudos to you and hearty congratulations. You will understand why am I congratulating once you start using OVUM tools. As soon as the orphans come out of hiding (our pain points), it becomes easy to work with them. Its only when they don’t show up, we get restless, but thanks to the OVUM tools and dream teacher (noting your dreams as they carry very powerful messages) and other signs from the Ultimate mom, we get clarity on our orphans.

      Once again Hearty Welcome to Fertileheart Sisterhood !!!

      My best wishes to all my fertile sisters – Heather(hope u are all set to deliver the miracle baby boy) ,gaffkt, openhearted, bailey, ff21, & Lori!! Hope I didn’t miss anyone.
      With change in names, I no longer know who is who (except Robin & FF21).

  21. stacyw says:

    Very very touching adn beautiful tribute.

  22. Ruth Hegarty says:

    Julia, whenever I watch this video I always think about your poor mother. How terrible it must have been for her to be separated from your brother, knowing how scared he must he must have been. And how essential you and your sister must have been later in her life to help her get through each day. I’m sorry if my saying that causes you pain.

    On a different scale I am facing a pivotal moment in my life in which so much needs to be turned around. I need to stop hiding from truths my heart and body know, and find the courage to face them. I need to stop living in my current situation, which has brought me little joy. I need to spend time with my family and reclaim some of my own lost ancestors who have been waiting a long time. I need to stop waiting, and live with more purpose. And I need to stop letting my desire to have a child make me weak and passive, but reclaim the fire in my soul. That’s the mum my children need.

    However; in this moment I have learned how much I have already turned around since I came to Woodstock, and how much stronger I am already growing with the practice. My orphans are not leading the communication in my marriage, the visionary Ruth is very much in charge and she has a lot of compassion. What I have really learned is that though right at this moment it seems that every one of my dreams have been smashed, through the FH work I like the Ruth I am today much better than I ever have before. What a gift in such a moment.

  23. Brave Caterpillar says:

    Hi Julia,

    This video is so beautiful, you and your siblings are very beautiful too. It is very inspiring to see how you have turned around all the obstacles and pain you faced into all this love, support, and compassion you share with the rest of us. It makes me feel so thankful and motivated.

    I want to join you as well in turning it around by getting focused and continue to listen to my orphans who are yearning to receive love and attention and who get mad when they don’t get it. I want to connect with my ultimate mom so she can remind me that I can give them all that love and attention they need. I also want to feel light so I can be really capable of being the compassionate and loving being I was meant to be.

  24. MiraculousLife says:

    I just feel so bad for your brother whenever I watch the video Julia !
    If I am not wrong, there was another video which had similar message. My initial years reaction was simply to ignore, mainly because I was afraid to read or listen through the suffering. But over the years, I developed courage to hear what happened, allow myself to feel what it feels like, not to cut myself from the pain. It took me a while. The sentence that I instantly got connected with is “Compassion means feeling the pain of another. Most of us have a tough enough time feeling our own pain, which puts suffering with another out of reach.” This is so true.
    Through OVUM tools, I learned to welcome the painful, devastating, why me, shameful, guilt orphans and hug them most tenderly and allowed them to speak their truth by promising them that I will not judge them. It just released so much of energy and made me feel so light.

    I was thinking to myself, what would I like to turn it around? So far feels, I am orphan free (I know this is the biggest joke of the century, but that’s how my orphan feels). And thankfully my dream teacher gave me my answer. My UM reminded me to be in charge of my life, my actions, my decisions. Off late, I think I am behaving like a slacker and this was a timely reminder to get back on track.

  25. butterflyfaith says:

    It’s just so heartbreaking. I still can’t believe we ever, as humans, let something like this happen. But then all I have to do is read the newspaper to realize atrocities are still happening all over. Such love you have to make sure your brother is never forgotten. You are so right, Julia. We need so much more kindness, peace and compassion in this world. Sign me up as a fellow soldier in your Turn It Around army. You’ve taught me so much about life and death and living through it all. I want to turn around my seemingly natural predisposition to accept–no, EMBRACE–the crap, the bad, the worst case. I want to believe that good does happen and I don’t have to pay dearly for it.

  26. MumbaiMom says:

    Cannot imagine what your little brother and all the other children would have gone through at that time. This is a lovely video you have made Julia. Your brother is so lucky to have a sister like you. And he looks so adorable in all those pictures… feel like reaching out into those photos and giving him a hug. I’m with you in this Turn It Around project.

    • Thank you for watching and your kind words……and if you’re with me, what is it you’re looking to Turn Around? Is there anything that’s depleting you, anything you’re wrestling with that needs to be transformed into an energizing force in your life?

      • MumbaiMom says:

        Dear Julia, I’m reading your book now and there are many things that are coming up. Some of these are issues that I thought had been long resolved. One thing that I know I need to make peace with is the absence of my mother in my growing years and how much I craved having her around. She was there yet not there and I have still not been able to fully make peace with that or understand her lack of involvement. Everyone’s moms were there except mine. I also sense a fear inside me that what if for some reason I am also not able to give my child the time and attention she will need from me. I don’t want to wait till then to understand my mother. I want to understand, accept and forgive her now, not later. That will be one big turn around for me :)
        This morning I was reading Issues in your tissues and read the story of Nina. While reading that an image from my past flashed to my mind where I too had to face something like that. Then another incident came to mind and then another… and with these memories came back a lot of anger and tears [and they are here again as I type this]. I was a child when these incidents took place. I too did not speak about any of these incidents to anyone and over the years tried to deal with them on my own. Hmmm…I thought this was sorted for me but clearly it is not. So that’s another thing to turn around…



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