Twins Conceived Naturally at 43, after a Failed IVF, FSH of 59, AMH 0.16
in playing the oboe, since I first learned to play it in sixth grade. Eventually I got a teaching job at a music department of a university. Although I hoped to someday share my life with a partner, and longed to have a family, I surrendered to the idea that it may not happen. I remember thinking that I am going to appreciate what I have.
When I signed up for a kayaking trip nearby in the Adirondacks I simply wanted to experience the beauty of the area, and calm myself. I never expected to meet James. But when we connected that day, I felt so sure that this person was meant to be in my life. Ironically he had just gotten a job in another part of the country, so we wrote letters for a while and eventually he decided to move back to New York State. We got married soon after he returned. It was a lovely, joyful time. I was 41, James was 44.
Since we were so used to being alone,
we knew that having children would mean a radical change in our lifestyle. Still, both of us loved the thought of raising a family together. We were married in the summer and in October I went to see my obgyn to make sure everything was okay with my hormones.
When the bloodwork came back with my FSH at 59, she said we would have trouble getting pregnant and referred me to a fertility center about 3 hours south from where we lived. James and I both drove down there in December to meet with a nurse practitioner. They did more bloodwork and the FSH at that time was 22.1 and my AMH was 0.16.
They said my best chances of having a successful pregnancy was through egg donation. They also told me that although it would be very hard for me to conceive with my own eggs they would be willing to try an IVF. We waited a few months. I thought I’ll delve into it after the semester is over. The IVF failed. The whole experience felt wrong to me and I wasn’t ready to do it again.
I started staying up late and reading and exploring.
That’s when I found Fertile Heart, I remember getting so excited reading Julia’s words and looking at all the pictures of the babies and moms. All throughout August I was travelling and performing but before I left, I downloaded some of the CD’s and got the books and I signed up for the next workshop in September. I started to do some of the imagery work right away.
The drive down to Woodstock was healing in itself. I’ll never forget that whole weekend. Julia opened so many doors and brought me such light and support. I knew that this was right for me, the same way I knew that James was right for me. James was also excited about this new direction.
There was a post workshop support call that Monday,
and even though Julia suggested we wait a couple of weeks to digest the workshop, I wanted to continue right away. I started using the imagery every morning. I’d get up and even before my shower I would go to a very quiet, calm room and do my practice. I did so many of the imagery exercises, almost everything on the CD’s. Julia encouraged us to do them for 7, 14 or 21 days but I did some of the visualizations longer than that, because I loved the images that were coming up.
I usually emailed Julia with questions before each call. It was a very rich, nurturing time. I also worked with the entire Body Truth CD. I would listen to the introduction in the car. It was a good way for me to absorb the idea and understand what a powerful practice it was. Loved Unconditional Gratitude. It gave me courage.
I actually became pregnant the month after the workshop,
but miscarried around Thanksgiving. I will never forget the calls after that miscarriage, Julia asking me to explore the spark of life that moved through me and what it was telling me. Somehow, even the miscarriage turned into something hopeful. I found a bright blue top in my closet after one of the support calls and I wore it for a day of rehearsals. It helped me summon the image I had during the calls. I started to feel and use more courage while interacting with others. I was able to hear what Julia calls the “voice of the Ultimate Mom.”
At the end of January I conceived again.
My pregnancy test in February was positive and this time the result was quite strong. Julia suggested that I check with my doctor to see if I needed progesterone supplementation, so I did that. In March I had the first ultrasound to see how things were going. I was a little afraid, I didn’t know what we would find. We could hardly believe it.
They were two precious heartbeats on the screen.
I conceived three months before my 44th birthday. For the most part it was a very happy and comfortable pregnancy. Had a great appetite. I remember I had a craving for cottage cheese, something I hadn’t consumed in quite a while. I also started taking the prenatals that Julia recommended right after the workshop and I continued through the pregnancy.
Of course I had many “Orphans,” of fear and worry.
But I also had the tools that helped me attend to them. Through the practice I learned to give them lots of tenderness and care. They were teaching me so much. Every day through the pregnancy I practiced Unconditional Gratitude Body Truth and the Nine Hearts, and It’s All Good visualizations. I’m learning so much from my two babies. There are no twins in either James’ or my family, so we continue to revel in this gift of life. We’re full of gratitude.